What’s your focal point?

Nurse: “Congratulations Mrs. Freedman, there’s two in there!”

*awkward amount of silence*

Liz: “Um…are you…serious?”

Nurse: “Yep!”

*Nick bursts into nervous laughter*

*Liz stares blankly*

This was the moment I found out I was pregnant with twins. At this point I only had a few weeks left in my first trimester, and my brain was in a state of constant flurry. I thought, every pregnant woman has concerns about miscarriage, but I had twice the chance, right? They labeled me a high risk pregnancy and scheduled extra ultrasounds – is that bad? We would need to buy two of…everything?

So needless to say, when I found out it was twins, it was pretty hard to focus on just about anything else.

That is, until week 20. The moment came in which we would get to learn the sex of the babies. I pride myself on not really caring too much about this, and I vowed to raise my children relatively gender neutral regardless of the results…but I also craved having just one less thing to wonder about. There is just so much to wonder during this time, and for a thought experimenter like me, that. is. exhausting.

I was startled, yet oddly fascinated by everyone’s opinions. I heard that two boys would be crazy for the first several years, but the teenage years would be better. Two girls would be easier at first, but awful during their teenage years. I was most often told that boy and a girl would be ideal because then I have one of each and our family would be complete.

I know people meant well, but ugh. Wouldn’t it be nice to stop putting people in boxes before they are even born? Ok, stepping off my soapbox now.   

The clutter in my brain became overwhelming. For weeks I envisioned what life would be like depending on what answers we received. I also wondered if it would make any difference at all. After all, I was lucky enough to have two healthy babies in me, so that was really all I cared about.

Nick could not attend the ultrasound appointment, so I brought home the results in an envelope. As I drove it sat next to me on the passenger seat. There was such precious information in it I almost felt the need to buckle it in.

When Nick finally got home that evening we each took one of the papers and revealed it to the other. The resounding answer was clear: two girls.

This will be a surprise to absolutely no one who knows us, but Nick had more nervous laughter – and sincere joy – but I went inward, falling silent. Right in that moment it became crystal clear in my mind:

My sole mission in life was to raise two resilient, hardworking, curious women.

I knew that everything I do from that point forward better move me one step closer to fulfilling that mission, or else I will have failed. I asked myself, am I resilient, hardworking, and curious? I think I am, but how do I know? Don’t I need to embody those qualities if I want to teach them to someone else?

I figured that to succeed in this mission, I need to be the very best version of myself. Therefore, something as simple as a personal goal of reading four books for fun by the end of the year is just as crucial as my goal of earning a PhD one day. Both of these goals make me a better version of Liz, so both of these goals meet the needs of my singular focus.

Since that time my mission has remained the same, and I have realized that having a focal point has positive effects when it comes to decision making, clearing my mind, and achieving my goals. Every now and then I find myself faced with a choice: Should I apply to that job? Should I earn a PhD? Should I pay for a personal trainer? Previously, I would get lost in thought dwelling over decisions like these – and don’t get me wrong, I still spend too much time thinking more often than not – but the time and effort spent now is considerably more productive than it was before.

When presented with multiple opportunities I simply ask myself, which one will support my effort of raising these two young women in the way I hope? Once I do that, the answers become pretty clear.

On that cute note, I leave you with these thought experiments:

How might having a focal point help you achieve your goals?

Do you need more mental clarity to help you achieve your goals?