“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.”                                       

                                                                                                                                                                      – Steve Jobs

Consider where you are at in your life, right in this moment.

I’m not just saying that for you to read it and move on – actually think about it.

Better yet, consider one of your greatest accomplishments. Or a milestone you reached.

Now consider, how did you get there? What are the moments that brought you to that very spot?

Perhaps you are thinking about a job you obtained, meeting the love of your life, moving to a new city. Whatever the case may be, for better or worse, that moment was the amalgamation of countless smaller ones, or dots.

I often think of my first full-time job in higher education. So many dots had to successfully connect in order to make that happen. For example, here are the ten big dots that led to my first full-time job, from the end to the beginning:

#10: Nailed the interview!

#9: Had 9 failed interviews within a few weeks leading up to this.

#8: Completed an internship in career services at Ivy Tech Community College.

#7: Applied to a master’s program in Higher Education and Student Affairs; my admission was denied.

#6: Narrowed my job search to career services jobs because I completed two informational interviews with staff at Butler University, making me confident in this path.

#5: Knew that I should do informational interviews because I was an exploratory student (i.e. undecided major-wise) for my first two years at Butler and we did that as a homework assignment.

#4: Learned that higher ed was even a career path/master’s degree option because my friend Katy was interested in it.

#3: Realized I really liked tutoring students in Speaker’s Lab; thought this could relate to a future career in some way, but wasn’t sure how.

#2: Was encouraged to apply for a job in the Speaker’s Lab because my speech professor in my first semester of college happened to be the director of that program.

#1: Enrolled as an exploratory student at Butler University.

I could go on and on, and on and on. How I chose Butler and that I wanted to be an exploratory student are an entirely different series of dots.

As you can see in that list, some of those dots were intentional, ones that I had total control over. Some were completely random.

For someone who likes to be in control (i.e. me) that concept can be quite unsettling. To some degree I can influence how the dots may connect, but not entirely.

I find comfort in something acclaimed psychologist Carl Jung once said:

“In all chaos there is a cosmos, and in all disorder a secret order.”

It makes me think of connect-the-dots books I had as a kid; I loved how structured it was, and that if I just followed the steps I would eventually have an amazing result.

When you consider your goals, sometimes you can more or less see the dots connecting – there are just a few steps you need to take to get where you want to go, and even though they are not all connected yet, you can still what the bigger picture may look like:

On the other hand, sometimes at the very beginning you have absolutely no freaking clue what the bigger picture is going to be…but the dots are all there, waiting to be connected:

The quote that started this post has been in my office for my college students to see for years; it has followed me from job to job as a potential source of comfort for the young people I support that don’t know where their paths will take them.

I say, do the best you can to connect your dots, but rest assured, they will connect to your next step in one way or another. You will get somewhere. Might it look like you imagined when you get there? Perhaps not. But there you will be, ready to start connecting new dots, and so on. I tell them, if I do nothing else but teach you the process of how to connect your dots, past, present, and future, then I have done my job.

It’s good advice that I should remind myself of every now and then. I’ll do my best to plan, make the best choices I can, position myself for what I want next…but a random dot stuck in the mix may very well lead me somewhere entirely new. And once I get there and take a look back, it will become crystal clear how I got there.

And now, as always, I leave you with a thought experiment to ponder:

What are the dots that have gotten you to where you are right now, and what might the dots be getting you to where you want to go next?

I sat there, waiting somewhat anxiously. I had called the meeting to let my boss’s boss know that I was leaving my position for a new role at a different institution. I had been rehearsing what to say just to make sure I came off as confident and competent. There was a lot I admired about him and I wanted to make sure I left on a positive note.

I explained that I was interested in transitioning from career advising to academic advising, and that I had been wanting to work at a larger, more diverse institution. He quickly agreed it would be a good fit for me and offered his congratulations. As soon as I was starting to relax, he asked a simple, yet deceivingly thought provoking question:

“Then what?”

I replied with something along the lines of that I imagine being an academic advisor for a while, and that at some point I’d like to become an assistant director of some kind, and then a director of an academic or career advising office. “Great!” he replied. To which he then said:

“Then what?”

After a moment of quiet pondering, he jumped back in and explained something I still think about every now and then. I was in my mid-20s at the time; he explained that I would be in the workforce for at least 40 more years, if not longer. He said, “There’s no reason you can’t do what I do someday, or even go higher than that. You could be president of a university if you want to”.

Now, I was pretty sure at the time – and I still feel just as sure – that being a university president is not something I want. But unlike before, I know adhere to the notion of “never say never”. Right then my thought process changed pretty dramatically; I should at the very least be open to any possibility and not be afraid to picture myself in a variety of roles.

I think on some level that simple question is one of the reasons I thought more critically about my next steps a couple of years ago and transitioned out of advising into a new type of student support center. I think it’s one of the reasons I took the leap to start this blog. I also think it is one of the reasons I currently do not want to earn a PhD anytime soon – and that is not because of my young daughters at home like a few folks have assumed, but rather because I thought critically about it am just not sure I ever want one.

And that’s ok. It’s good to think about what you want next – or don’t want next – and to not just go through the motions and pursue the things that you think you are supposed to do.

So there you have it. A simple blog post devoted to a simple question, which just so happens to be today’s thought experiment:

Then what?

There I was, teetering on the edge of a dark staircase, adrenaline pumping. I knew if I made any sudden moves I risked falling down the crooked steps. I began mentally chanting, “Breathe deep. Stand your ground. Don’t panic.”

If you are imagining me doing something incredibly heroic, you would be right. Was I fighting a terrifying monster like some kind of superhero you ask?

Why, yes. Yes I was.

You see, I was helping my friend Sam get a bat out of his kitchen. And let me tell you, it. was. intense.

Ok…so it was not exactly like fighting a demogorgon, but it felt like it at the time!

You may be wondering what does any of this have to do with effectively setting, achieving, and failing at your goals? The answer is: visualizing obstacles in order to plan how you will respond to them is essential.

*Quick side note: Dad, I’m sorry I didn’t listen better in high school soccer when you told me to visualize running down the field on a breakaway before every game – think of how many more goals I’d have under my name!

Ok, back to the story. To prepare for the obstacle ahead, my friend and I prepared as much as we could for the inevitable battle. We both did our independent research to determine the best course of action, and after putting our heads together, we felt pretty confident about our plan.

Sam read that a bat will use it sonar to determine which direction to fly. A good way to encourage one out if a room is to block off anywhere you do not want to go. For example, if a blanket is hanging over the entrance to the basement staircase, the bat will assume it is a wall and go a different direction.

Hence why I was standing carefully at the top of the stairs, holding up a large blanket in front of me. As Sam was gently nudging the bat with a broom to encourage it to latch on to the bristles (another tactic we discovered in our research) I realized that there is a chance this animal is going to come flying at me, hit my blanket, and cause me to scream and jump.

Of all the possible bad outcomes, the best bad outcome one was that if I panic, the bat might get into the basement, making it really difficult to get it out. The worst bad outcome was that I might fly down the stairs with it.

That’s when the mental chanting began. I actually started to visualize the bat hitting my blanket. The thud it would make, the fact that it might hit on the other side. I decided if that happens I will stand firm and not panic.

Rehearsing it in my head turned out to be a very good idea.

Keep in mind that because I was holding up the blanket, I could not actually see what was going on. I could only hear. And this is what I heard next:

Sam: “Come on little guy…just grab on…you got it…there you go…oh S#*&!!!”

*flapping wings*

*thud*

*crash*

Silence.

I started to peek out when I saw it, hanging just over my head in the corner of the door frame. Thanks to my rehearsal, I remained calm, regrouped with Sam on our next steps, and held the blanket up even higher.

The next few minutes were not our most graceful, but we did manage to get the bat safely out of the house and into the backyard. After all the nervous laughter that comes after an adrenaline pumping experience, I realized how helpful it was to visualize possible outcomes. I wondered, what else could I apply this technique to?

Rest assured, this is not some hippy-dippy stuff; it’s a proven technique that has been used for hundreds of years, particularly by athletes. And it makes perfect sense. We all know the things that will typically trip us up when it comes to our goals: failing to save enough money, snacking on something bad for us, not making time for ourselves, the list goes on and on.

Wouldn’t it be better to anticipate those obstacles and make a plan for how you will respond? For example, if you have a food craving, perhaps you come up with a mantra you will repeat to yourself to gain control. Or if you are struggling with the idea of heading out the door to go for a run, try visualizing yourself on the run, and what it will look and feel like when you are done.

Give it a try! And as always, use these thought experiments to help you along the way:

What obstacles might come up for you? Picture them, including how you will respond in detail.