I’ve casually decided that the theme of my 30s will be learning how to be more present, and more mindful.

Why, you ask?

Perhaps it’s because I had twins – and that’s all I plan to have – so I am fully aware that every new phase they enter, for better or worse, will be the last time I experience it. This makes me want to savor every moment.

Or perhaps it’s because I spent my 20s so focused on moving onward and upward in terms of my education, career, getting married, starting a family…and now that the dust has settled on all those major life milestones, I am able to relax and ask myself, what the heck do I want next?

Or perhaps it’s just because mindfulness is all the rage these days. With a constant news cycle, social media, politics, and blah blah blah…it’s becoming more and more appealing to turn off every once in a while. 

So I had to ask myself, how could mindfulness relate to effectively setting, achieving, and failing at our goals? I set out to do some research and discovered the nine essential qualities of mindfulness:

1. Focus on the present moment. When it comes to goals, a great place to start may be thinking about your current situation. An activity I like to use to do this is called “Stop, Start, Continue”; in other words, consider your current state and ask: what is one thing I’d like to stop doing, start doing, and one thing I want to make sure I continue doing?
2. Be fully present. How aware are you of your environment, and your own self-awareness? Do you truly pay attention to the things you do every day, or have some things become routine, and perhaps even thoughtless? 
3. Be open to experience. Try to be curious about any ideas, fears, or experiences you have rather than shutting them down. 
4. Use non-judgement. This is certainly hard for me, but try not to categorize your ideas into “good” or “bad”, and accept your successes – and failures – in a non-judgmental way.
5. Accept things as they are. This one is all about accepting reality rather than trying to change things into the way you think they should be; the ultimate goal of this is to teach you that you can tolerate anything that comes up.
6. Get connected. Consider the people and things you are grateful for, and the ways in which you and your goals are connected to something bigger than you.
7. Use non-attachment. Try not to hold on too tight to things and people from the past; instead, consider life, and your goals, to be in a state of constant flow. 
8. Look for peace and equanimity. Maintaining an even-keel will help you when things don’t go your way; if this happens, stay rooted in your own clear vision and values and keep moving forward.
9. Use compassion. This goes for others, and for yourself! Have empathy on your good days and your bad days, and your goals will follow. 

Some of this may resonate with you, some of it may not. And I’ll be perfectly honest, I definitely do not adhere to all of these ideals, all the time. 

The bottom line is, for someone like me who is constantly thinking, reflecting, and asking questions, taking a moment to be fully present is a welcomed challenge. 

The origins of mindfulness practice date back thousands of years, to the beginnings of Hinduism and Buddhism, and perhaps even further back than that. But Western audiences took milennia to catch on, and we are still a long time away from it being a fully accepted part of our culture. 

So for us Western folk, perhaps the sage Ferris Bueller said it best all the way back in the mid-80s, just before I was born:

It may have taken me 32 years to agree with him, but better late than never!

And on that note, I’ll leave you with this:

How might being more mindful impact your goals?

Recently, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing my great uncle Larry, who is my late Grandpa Art’s younger brother. At 91 years young, he and I are 60 years apart in age. 

The biggest takeaways from our conversation are slightly different than those from my other family interviews. Larry is a genuinely humble man – possibly the most humble person I know. So his story is less about goals and achievements, but rather about the little things. About being present. About appreciation. 

Don’t get me wrong – Larry has plenty of accomplishments to brag about, but that is not his way. So I will do my best to get the tone right, just as it sounded when I heard it from him.

I think a good way to start is to begin with how some of our exchanges end. When Larry emails me he closes each message by signing, “Larry the Uncle”. And of course, to me, that’s what he is. But through our conversations, I learned more than ever about Larry the Boy, Larry the Musician, Larry the Soldier, Larry the Boy Scout, and Larry the Family Man. 

And as is the case with anyone who embodies true humility, there is a lot more to Larry than meets the eye.

Larry the Boy

Larry was born in Brooklyn, NY in 1928, just before the stock market crash of 1929. His parents met at a swimming pool in New York, got married and had two boys. His mother was a fashion artist who drew primarily for the Lord & Taylor department store and who continued working part time after having kids. At that time, his father was a successful insurance broker, real estate investor and property manager. 

When Larry was only two years old, his parents decided to move the family to the Westchester County suburbs in order to take advantage of a better school system for the children. They rented a house, but because of the Great Depression, Larry’s Dad lost much of the property in which he and others had invested or managed, resulting in a substantial reduction in income. Larry’s mom found it impossible to work even part-time. Of course, Larry didn’t realize the gravity of the struggles they were facing until much later, and he didn’t mind living in several different apartments or going without a family car. Childhood felt normal. One of his fondest memories was the frequent bus rides with his brother to a public beach and swimming pool.

Larry’s fraternal grandparents were Jewish, Russian immigrants – a part of my lineage I have always wanted to learn more about. Larry’s mother was raised as a Lutheran, her mother having been a Swedish immigrant. Although Larry was told he was Jewish, his parents were not religious, and he had no religious training growing up. The family did not join the local temple because of the financial commitment required.

Nevertheless, Larry identified himself as Jewish culturally. He appreciated being able to stay home from school on important Jewish holidays. His father was one of ten kids, so Larry enjoyed attending bar mitzvahs for his cousins, even without understanding a word of Hebrew. He remembers fondly the family gatherings at his Grandmother’s house in Brooklyn for dinner on Passover. Being part of a Jewish family continued to be an important factor in Larry’s life, but his religious views adapted and changed just as he did with age.

I asked Larry what life lessons he learned from his parents. He explained that they helped him understand the importance of relationships, kindness, and goodness. Even though they were poor, his father was still contributing to charities and was sorry he couldn’t do more. It made him angry to see homeless people; he just had a passion for others. The love and respect Larry’s mother and father showed to all their relatives greatly influenced Larry’s attitudes later in life about family relationships, and he is especially grateful for how much his parents sacrificed for the welfare of their two sons.

Perhaps an even greater influence was his older brother, Art. They had so much in common because, as Larry put it, his brother was his hero. He wanted to follow in his steps in school, hobbies, and life in general, and he did so for their entire childhood. According to Larry, “If he did it, I wanted to do it…but I never did it quite as well”. He followed Art by becoming the high school band drum major, playing french horn, singing, becoming an Eagle Scout, and he was even salutatorian for their high school (although Art was valedictorian).

Like so many boys in the New York area, where there were three professional teams, Larry grew up loving baseball. Since Larry played first base for his fifth grade team, his goal was wanting to succeed the great Lou Gehrig at first base for the New York Yankees. He recalled the first time he ever saw a professional baseball game: his father took him to a special double header at Yankee Stadium when Gehrig was honored for having played in the most consecutive games ever (over 2000). Since TV had not yet been invented, this was a truly momentous experience.

Although Larry always remained an enthusiastic sports fan, supporting most local professional and college teams, he soon learned that he could not hit a curve ball or a fastball, and rarely could he hit a slow ball. Instead, he immersed himself into a different hobby, which would eventually become a lifelong passion.

Larry the Musician 

Both Larry and his brother were musically inclined; they loved to sing and play instruments. Like his brother, Larry learned to play the french horn and joined the high school band and orchestra. He also sang in the glee club and choir, and took piano lessons. Larry was thrilled when his piano teacher took him to Carnegie Hall for a Saturday matinee concert by the Boston Symphony 0rchestra. One of his most memorable high school experiences was a bus trip to the original Metropolitan Opera house in New York for a performance of Carmen, resulting in his life long love for opera. 

When Larry was deciding where to go to college, he applied to New York University, just like his big brother did. His plan was to enroll and play french horn, but as it turned out the NYU admissions director was also the band director. He asked straightforwardly, “Can you play baritone horn?”, to which Larry replied, “I never have, but I am sure I could learn”. This quick conversation earned him a scholarship which allowed him to be able to afford NYU. He found that band members did not have to take the required R.O.T.C (Reserved Officer Training Corps) training, since the band played for the weekly parades and also the NYU football games.

Although Larry had to commute several days a week to the NYU Bronx campus, he found time to participate in college activities. He joined the renowned NYU Varsity Men’s Glee Club that performed annually at the Town Hall concert hall in Manhattan. Many of his fondest college memories occurred as a member of Alpha Phi Omega, a service fraternity that required you to have been a boy scout.

In college, Larry did not have a clear career goal, unlike so many of his Jewish classmates who were planning to become doctors. He was not enthused about the pre-med requirements for biology and comparative anatomy, so ultimately he decided that a major in economics suited him best. He graduated in 1949 and wondered what in the world to do next.

But suddenly, like so many other young men at that time who escaped military service during World War II while attending college, he was soon drafted for the Korean War. According to Larry, “That solved that problem”. 

Larry the Soldier

According to Larry, he expected the draft to find him because so many of his friends had already been drafted. His brother was not eligible due to a speech impediment; he unfortunately discovered the one thing he could do that Art could not. He simultaneously referred to being drafted as a “nice change of pace” and “traumatic”. Soon, he found himself travelling to Massachusetts for induction into the Army infantry. He was moving forward, but following in no one’s footsteps.

Larry recalled taking the never-ending train ride to join the California 40^th Infantry National Guard division that was being filled with new draftees. He traveled across the entire length of the only country he knew, curious about what war would be like in Korea. After a few months of basic training, he remembers the division commander general assembling the entire division and announcing that they were going overseas where he was told “some of you will die on the field of glory”. But first, he had 9 more months of training to do, this time in Japan while waiting for orders to relieve a regular army division in Korea.

Like half of the men around him, sea sickness was awful travelling from California to Japan on a navy troop ship. But all that aside, he felt somewhat in his comfort zone; the Boy Scouts as well as basic training in California had helped prepare him for army life. He knew how to get up early, live outdoors, do chores, salute, march, and even carry a rifle. But like it was for every draftee, war would be uncharted territory.

Eventually he found himself digging a fox hole on the beach at Yokohama, where the proposed World War II invasion plans of Japan were being reenacted. It was a Sunday afternoon, and the Japanese civilians were cheering for their endeavors, while at the same time some of the soldiers crawled in the sand to purchase ice cream from various vendors nearby.

Overall, life in Japan was pretty good, other than when a fire destroyed their barracks and when a cyclone damaged their tent city at the foot of Mt. Fuji. One particularly fond memory was one weekend when Larry and two of his buddies climbed to the top of Mt. Fuji, sleeping in a shelter overnight on a straw mat. 

One of his experiences was to attend bayonet training, which they referred to as “killer school”. After his first lesson, startled by what he just learned, he took a walk back to his barracks. Suddenly he heard band music – a familiar Sousa march to be specific. He found the tent it was coming from and noticed a baritone horn sitting on a chair with no one playing it. Without missing a beat, he picked up the instrument and began playing along to the music he had played so many times in his high school and college marching bands. After the piece ended, the regimental commander walked up to him and said, “You are no longer in killer school. I want you here every morning for band rehearsal and every evening when we play for retreat”. Larry remembers this moment as “simply wonderful”.

But time in Japan was coming to an end. He had survived natural disasters like cyclones and fires, but wondered if they were ready for a man-made disaster such as war. 

He arrived in Korea where armistice talks had started, and his unit was stationed on one side of a valley, with the Chinese army opposite. It was winter, and their bunkers were cold. For quite some time, action was minimal; the most danger he faced was once on night patrol when he tripped and fell on his own bayonet, cutting his face. While laughing, he told me how he thankfully never had to kill anyone else with his bayonet, but he did almost kill himself with it.

There was not a lot of opportunity to use their rifles either, other than shooting at deer in the valley – which the Chinese were also shooting at. But soon a new colonel took over the regiment who quickly decided that they were too inactive. One night he ordered everyone to advance into the valley. The soldiers tried to take cover in the woods, but were quickly discovered by the Chinese who bombarded them with artillery right and left. They retreated, and luckily for my family, Larry was unharmed. 

After 6 more months and periodic action, he finally got the news: his army time was up. He was sent home on one more ship, travelling to Seattle, where he then took another train across the country to New Jersey where he was discharged. He remembers being so happy to be home, to see his family, and to see his dog. 

Life for Larry the Soldier was over, allowing him to revisit one of his greatest passions as a boy. 

Larry the Boy Scout

Throughout his youth, Larry rose up through the ranks of the Boy Scouts and eventually became an Eagle Scout, solidifying his love of the outdoors. While serving in the army, Larry learned from an officer who was a professional scout executive in civilian life that scouting could even be a career, so this was fresh on his mind when he was discharged. 

To get back on his feet, he started working for his father in his insurance business, but he made sure to volunteer for the Boy Scouts regularly, taking youth on camping trips and working at summer camps.

After considerable experience as a volunteer scout, he decided professional scouting might be the career he would enjoy. After a three week training program, he was placed as an assistant district executive in Nassau County, Long Island, the fastest growing Boy Scout council in the country. The post war youth population was growing so large that the two employees had difficulty keeping up with the demand for new cub packs and scout troops. They worked tirelessly to recruit and train the volunteers needed to lead the new units and to participate in the frequent finance campaigns. For part of each summer, Larry served on the staff of the council’s large scout camp, and he always found time to lead songs in the mess hall.

After a brief engagement to a Jewish girl in the Bronx ended, Larry felt sorry for himself and thought it might be fun to visit the Tanglewood Music Festival in Lenox, Massachusetts, the summer home of the Boston Symphony. When looking for somewhere to stay on a July 4^th weekend, he saw an ad in the newspaper for an inn. It read that they offered “lox and bagel evening snacks” which was code for “Jewish clientele are welcome”. 

He remembers driving up and meeting the young lady who worked at the front desk. He learned her name was Mariyln, and they chatted briefly. Also serving as the concierge, she offered to help him get tickets for festival concerts and other musical and theater performances in the area, and she also told him where his seat would be in the dining room. Before leaving, he said, “I noticed there is a lake down below…”, to which she smiled and said, “Sure, I’ll take you there”.

They chatted by the lake for a while, and at one point she playfully took off his hat, which revealed he was already partially bald. They laughed together, but he wasn’t sure if she was as interested as he was.

Later that night, he went to his assigned seat at dinner to find himself at a table with several middle-aged Jewish women, all of whom were very excited to have a young man in their company. But quickly the friendly mood of his tablemates changed when Marilyn entered the room, and walked straight toward Larry. She had put his seat right next to hers. 

They chatted for a long time that night, and Larry learned that Marilyn was the director of a school for practical nursing in Harlem and that the owners of the inn were friends who offered her the summer job. Marilyn obtained two tickets for Tanglewood and other attractions, always sitting next to each other. In fact, they would continue to sit next to each other for the rest of her life. 

He was quickly becoming Larry the Family Man.

Larry the Family Man 

Larry told me about the Manhattan E 78th street brownstone apartment where Marilyn lived. It was on the 3rd floor, and he remembers the long walks up to see her, and he always had to take the garbage down when leaving. When they talked about marriage she said she wanted to get married in the Ethical Culture Society in New York; she was raised Jewish as well, but she found Ethical Culture more open.

The emphasis of Ethical Culture is on what you do today, rather than what you believe, their motto being “Deed, Not Creed”. Larry and Marilyn would both become very involved in this movement and later as members of the Unitarian Church, which has a similar liberal and open religious philosophy. Larry credits his involvement with these institutions in greatly helping him become a better person.

The way Larry described their wedding made it sound simple and perfect. It was December 21st, a Saturday, surrounded by a few family and friends. Nothing big or fancy. They went out to lunch at Tavern on the Green in Central Park and then drove to Williamsburg, VA for their honeymoon. He remembers hearing nothing but annoying Christmas music on the radio during their drive. 

After they were married, Larry’s career in the Boy Scouts was going well, but the hope of starting a family and buying a home meant that it was time to look for a more lucrative opportunity. He was advised by a professional career counselor that his scouting experience in recruiting, training and managing volunteers and in organizing finance campaigns would be valuable in the areas of marketing and sales management. This was confirmed through some aptitude testing, and as a result, he largely focused on sales and marketing during his long career, working for a variety of companies in multiple cities. One company in particular allowed him to earn his MBA, which was critical in moving his career forward in sales, market research and management, as well as applications of computers in business. 

After experience as a market analyst with two established publishers of legal material, Larry became involved with several new companies who were pioneers in the fields of automated legal research and record keeping, especially in the areas of worldwide trademark and patent law. Most recently, Larry was a marketing manager for a startup company in the field of manufacturing shop floor control software.  

Looking back, he realized what he really enjoyed was working with a brand new firm and helping it get off the ground; in fact, he did this several times. As Larry put it, “perhaps it just happened that way, or perhaps I did it on purpose. But I found it very satisfying to help others succeed”.

After the discussion of his winding career path, he was very clear to me that throughout his professional life, he always had family at the forefront of his mind. He and Marilyn raised three kids in total, and he often described how much he loved it.

As his family grew, sometimes in unexpected ways, he always treasured gaining a new niece, nephew, or grandchild. When his brother announced his second marriage, he was thrilled to gain one more sister-in-law, as well as her three daughters. He thought, the bigger our family, the better. When their eldest daughter married a man who had been married previously, Larry and Marilyn became pleasantly involved with a whole new circle of his children and relatives.

Perhaps most poignantly, Larry and Marilyn had 51 years together in a loving marriage, and Larry feels that serving Marilyn as her principal caregiver during the last few years of her life was one of his most gratifying life experiences he could ever have.

Larry the Uncle 

Like any good uncle, when you are talking to Larry, he makes you feel truly heard. It feels like it’s just the two of you, even though in reality you are at a giant, crowded, family party. My Grandpa was like that, too. I’ve decided that it comes from a lifetime of knowing how to be fully present; a skill that is all too rare these days. 

The last question I asked during our chat went something like this: 

“Uncle Larry, you are 91, and I am 31. In the 60 years you have on me, what do you now know that you wish you could tell yourself at 31?”

He said that at 31 you have just enough experience to know what you like, what you don’t like, and what is really important to you. You spend too much time at work for it to be something you aren’t really passionate about. If you like dance, open a dance studio. If you like sports, get into sports management. Find your passion, and go for it. Otherwise, life will be pretty boring.

Boy, does that resonate. Every 30-something year old I know, myself included, is wondering what is next. We are all trying to make a jump into having more responsibility, making more money, or just finding what makes us truly happy. It feels good to have the permission to just go for it. 

Larry then told me he is starting to slow down. Although he no longer sings in his church choir and has retired as an active volunteer, many of his best friends are church members and he is still part of their Humanist group. Listening to opera and other music is still a passion. He does not take long trips anymore – but over the last few years he has gone on three cruises, and travelled to places like Europe, the Rockies, and Yosemite (and he rarely, if ever, misses a family party). And he doesn’t drive anymore – but he still makes it to bridge clubs two days each week. 

I think he and I have different definitions of “slowing down”. 

When I asked about future goals he has, he said he doesn’t want to worry about goals anymore; he wants to stay healthy, get his affairs in order, and enjoy his time. After all, us Freedmans are nothing if not practical. 

But the thing is, I am not sure Larry was ever worried about goals. Perhaps the greatest thing I learned from our conversation is to keep it simple. Find the people and things you enjoy, and put them in your life as much as possible. Period. 

If I do that, maybe in 60 years I’ll be telling my future great niece less about my formal accomplishments and more about walking to Dairy Queen for a vanilla cone dipped in crunch topping every summer, or the way it feels to run down the soccer field on a breakaway, or how I squeezed Nick’s hand too hard on a haunted hay ride during one of our first dates…and that he didn’t tell me how much it hurt until later so I wouldn’t feel bad.

To close, I want to tell Uncle Larry thank you for the lessons, and for the lessons to come. Needless to say, there are more stories I hope to hear and more questions I plan to ask. 

So get ready Uncle Larry – at the next family party there may be several of us waiting in line to learn from the best all-around man we have! 

Yesterday, July 20th, 2019, marked the 50th anniversary of human beings setting foot on the lunar surface for the first time.

If you are even remotely a nerd like me, the last couple of weeks have been filled with countless news stories, podcasts, interviews, videos, Google doodles, and even projections on the Washington Monument reminiscing about what is one of the greatest human achievements of all time. 

But without question, it is unlikely to have happened the way it did without first being launched (pun intended) with what I claim is the most famous SMART goal in human history:

On May 25th, 1961, President Kennedy gave the charge, and about 8 years and 2 months later, the goal was accomplished. 

Let’s go over that again:

“I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the moon and returning him safely to the Earth.”

I’m guessing you have never thought about that as a SMART goal before, so consider the following:

Did they know WHAT was to be completed?

Yes – landing a man on the moon AND returning him safely to the Earth were the metrics for success. 

Did they know WHEN it needed to be completed?

Yes – by December 31st, 1969. 

Did they know HOW they would complete it?

Pretty much – JFK laid out very clearly in this speech that it would be the most audacious undertaking the United States had ever attempted. It would require more money and human capital than anything else in human history. They of course discovered some things they didn’t know along the way, but from the start they were aware of all the major steps they would need to take in order to reach their goal.

Did they know their motivation?

You betcha – a cold war with the Soviet Union sure got our butts in gear. 

Quick side note: Credit must be given where credit is due. While the United States may have won this war, the Soviets won virtually every battle along the way. They put the first satellite, animal, and human into space. They put the first human into orbit around the Earth and completed the first space walk. They also put the first black person and woman into space – something the United States wouldn’t do for another 20 years. Just sayin’. 

I absolutely adore this goal. The 31 words spoken in 1961 show that a goal, even a SMART goal, can be elegant, simple, and powerful, all at once. In fact, one could argue that the more simple it is, the more power it has.

So there you have it. A simple blog post about a simple goal. 

Well…the words were simple anyway. I’m guessing the over 400,000 people who worked on the Apollo program would call their work anything but simple.

So on that note, I encourage you to make your goals simultaneously as simple and audacious as possible…if each of us did that, who knows what we could accomplish?

In honor of Father’s Day, I’d like to share a story about my dad, Peter Freedman.

This is different than what I wrote for Mother’s Day, because I didn’t interview him about one goal. Instead, I learned more details than ever before about all of the steps that led him to where he is today, going all the way back to the beginning.

Seriously. Our conversation started by talking about when he was 10 years old.

So this post is on the long side (it’s written in 7 parts), but is a worthy read!

Our talk reminded me of my post about connecting the dots. I wrote about how small decisions lead you somewhere you couldn’t have guessed when you began. Turns out, my dad is the perfect example of this – and he helped me add some new insight to that original idea. More on that later.

I always admired how my parents have seemingly wandering, fascinating career paths. They have both had not just several different jobs in their career, but several different careers in their career.

This is why I have always shuddered a little at the phrase “career path”. A path indicates the journey will be clearly defined, and for my parents that was not the case. I like to think of their journeys instead as “Career Odysseys”.

So let’s begin!

Part 1: California Dreaming

My dad’s parents divorced when he was 10 years old, moving him from Park Forest, IL to Santa Barbara, CA with his mom. There, he was introduced to the mountains, desert, ocean, and just one season year-round. He was also introduced to a new culture compared to the midwest (for better or worse).

Eventually he and his mom went back to Illinois so that he could finish high school, but a piece of California stayed with him.

He told me “high school was pretty much a drag”, and that he didn’t have a very clear direction of what to do afterward. In his spare time he liked tinkering with go kart engines and riding his motorcycle, but what kind of career could that lead to?

He eventually enrolled in the general studies program at Southern Illinois University (SIU), got decent grades, but didn’t enjoy it. That is, except for his P.E. scuba diving class. He had always been a strong swimmer since his time in California, and now he was scuba certified.

This reminded him: Santa Barbara had one of the best commercial diving programs in the world.

So he left SIU, packed his Honda 150 motorcycle into the trunk of his 1967 Green Ford Galaxy, and once again moved out to California.

Part 2: Diving into Career #1

He knew the program was extremely competitive, but he was still considered a resident of California, giving him a slight preference over non-residents. With that and a strong application, he was admitted.

School taught him everything from machine shop operations, to welding, to diving technologies, and even to explosives. After graduating he got a job, rode his motorcycle across the country – this time to Louisiana – and worked as a diving tender in the Gulf of Mexico.

Here is one of the most important experiences my dad had:

He got fired.

According to him, he forgot one of the most important lessons they taught him in school: how to “work wise”. In other words, how to think and act on your feet, and how to work with other people. He wanted to do more than run errands for other divers, and his ego got the best of him. He told me while reflecting on this,

“Sometimes it helps to get fired at the right time”.

He bounced back and got a job working in a more technical job at a bigger diving company, waiting to be transferred to an offshore diving operation once a spot opened.

Six months later, he transferred to the North Sea working off of boats, barges, and oil rigs all doing pipeline related work. He did two, 18 month stints offshore there…I’m told that these stories would need to wait for another blog post. Darn.

Here, crucially, he learned first aid and operated the gas mixture and respiratory side for the divers. He also gained management experience, and by not playing too much poker, he managed to save a good chunk of money (since there’s really nowhere to spend it on an oil rig).

At this point he decides to take a break, and use some of his money to travel the world. Ultimately, he returns to California, only this time, he misses the friendly midwest culture, and even the changing seasons. So off he goes, back to Illinois.

Part 3: Breathing Life into Career #2

Using his experience in first aid and respiratory care, he got a respiratory therapy job at St. Francis Hospital in Blue Island, IL. Here, he met my mom. They became friends, and eventually more than friends (ew).

When I was a naive, optimistic kid, my sister told me that our parents met as they entered a revolving door at the same time; their eyes locked, love at first sight, as they kept going round, and round, and round…

Much to my dismay, this is not true. But it’s a nice thought, so I’ll keep it.

They took classes together to earn their formal respiratory therapy certification when they realized they may not be fully committed to this path. Their hobby was photography (an interest they share to this day), so they joined the Chicago Camera Club.

Here, they were exposed (pun intended) to working in a dark room. Meanwhile, their adventurous spirits, along with a little bit of oil rig money in the bank, inspired them to leave their hospital jobs and start their own business: a camera store called Photo Craft.

Part 4: Developing Career #3

Owning a business is expensive, so my parents moved into a trailer for $50 per month, in the middle of a farm field. Literally. I saw it once.

Their business grew steadily by doing photo finishing, having dark room supplies, and selling camera accessories. But there is a lot of inventory and overhead in this line of work, at a high cost.

Meanwhile, on New Year’s Eve in 1982, my sister was born. At this point, my dad correctly surmised that it was time to find ways to bring in more revenue.

Right around this time, computers and video equipment came onto the market, so they started selling electronics. My dad also started selling some of the earliest computers on the market through the store, and while doing so, he gained database and programming skills on his own and created the store’s first point of sales system.

Bottom line, he knew more about computers than most at that time.

He started working weekends at a computer store in a nearby suburb, Homewood (where I would eventually grow up). Here, he was exposed to outside sales, and the money was more than the store was bringing in. They thoughtfully phased out their business, and my dad became the businessy, computery guy we all know and love today.

Part 5: Sold on Career #4

There’s so much I could write about my dad’s career in sales at computer companies. Over the years the company he worked for would get bought out by another, to the point where I admittedly did not always know the name of the company he was at.

In fact, we have a joke in our family that my dad worked for the CIA…because none of us knew exactly where he worked or what the heck he did.

But he earned his MBA, had a second kid (yours truly), and learned a second lesson the hard way: it’s better to move on to something new rather than plateau where you are at.

This turned out to be a common theme over his next few jobs, and in time he learned the benefits of moving forward rather than getting comfortable.

Also during this time, he had his first formal experience with project management. He was involved with multi-million dollar opportunities for companies who wanted to outsource their IT operations, and he led a large team of people going after these accounts. Things were looking pretty good.

This brings us to 2008, i.e., the Great Recession.

Part 6: From a Hard Stop to Full Speed Ahead

He was laid off just before I graduated from college, for a total of 18 months. He quickly realized that getting a job in sales during this time was not realistic, despite how hard he looked for opportunities doing what he did before.

Every day he got up, got dressed, headed down to his office in the basement, and looked for a job. He’d reappear for lunch around noon, descend again, and not return until 5:00pm. Like so many others, his full-time job was looking for a job.

Pretty soon he put his small business experience to use and started his own company, Sales TeamSource. This time, he started a consulting company in cloud computing, which was in its early stages. He put 100% of his effort into this, but it was not as lucrative as he needed it to be.

While managing his company he remembered how much he enjoyed project management, so he simultaneously earned his Project Management Professional (PMP) certification. He had the formal hours needed from his last job to qualify, and he studied hard to pass the exam.

After 18 months, a new company, and the letters “PMP” after his name, he was able to land a job as a project manager for an IT company.

From here he leaned on the lessons he learned over the years: how to “work wise”, and to not overstay his welcome. He continued to challenge himself and seek new opportunities. He even quit a job at one point, despite a good salary and benefits, to be an independent contractor.

Now, he’s happy with where he is at; so happy in fact, that I even know the name of the company and can explain what he does to people…the days of “my dad works for the CIA” are long gone.

Part 7: What Else is There?

There is so much more I could write.

I didn’t even talk about that he races his car as a hobby:

Or that he has a second job managing his late father’s water treatment consulting company, Arthur Freedman Associates:

Or that perhaps most impressively, during his time being laid off he became an expert at Guitar Hero, beating the competition by playing over his head or behind his back:

Hey, the guy knows how to have fun, too.

There are several pieces of wisdom I have heard my dad say since entering my own Career Odyssey (always in a fun, racing theme):

“More gas, less brakes!”

“The only roadblocks are the ones you create for yourself.”

And my personal favorite: “Full speed ahead.”

Before learning this story in detail, those sentiments seemed to me like pieces of advice any dad might give to his daughter; now, I realize they are the result of a lifetime of adventures, lessons, and hardships, and he is giving me the opportunity to learn from his experience.

With that in mind, here are my key takeaways when it comes to embarking on my Career Odyssey:

• Connect the dots yourself when you can.
• Be aware of your surroundings. What opportunities exist that you can take advantage of?
• Switch gears. Be agile and open to change, especially when facing a setback.
• Don’t overstay your welcome.
• And remember to play a little bit, too.

Thank you for the lessons Dad, and Happy Father’s Day!

Welcome back to my 2nd of two Mother’s Day inspired interviews!

Today’s post is an interview with my mom, Mary Jo. She is finishing up a major goal that she has been working on for 10 years, and I couldn’t be prouder. Hopefully someone out there will find some inspiration from her journey like I have.

And if you haven’t read my interview with my mother-in-law, Cheri, I encourage you to check that out as well.

Enjoy!

What is the big goal you are working on right now?

I am writing a book called “As Ever Joe” comprised of my father’s letters from WWII. He fought in the Pacific in a unit called the Bushmasters. The project is putting my dad’s war experience and timeline together and sharing it. I discovered so much on my own, having to research the timeline of events and more about his unit in addition to the information I had in the letters. I have to tell the whole story, because he could not put everything in the letters, and he shared so few details after he returned.

How long have you been working on it?

I started working on this around 2009 as I had time. So I’ve worked on it off and on with my cousin, Geri, for about 10 years at this point. The first three years were spent reading letters, putting them in chronological order, and typing them up. I ramped up the time and effort I put into it in the last year and I hope to have it completed by this fall. I’ve gone to writing and publishing seminars, traveled to the Bushmasters museum in Arizona, and the WWII museum in New Orleans. It’s been a long journey.

What’s motivating you?

My motivation for the book is to give my father his 15 minutes of fame. Once I learned what he did and what he went through, I wanted everyone to know it because I’m proud. It’s funny how we don’t know what’s inside human beings and what our potential is, and that fascinated me. My dad did all of this stuff and you would never know it. And the fact that these letters survived all those years motivates me; my parents moved a lot and we had three floods, but he kept them upstairs high on a shelf in a blue suitcase. That makes me feel like my dad wanted this story to be told, but he didn’t want to tell it himself.

When did you know this was something you wanted to do?

I knew I wanted to do this right when I found his letters. I had already gotten information about his medals and was intrigued, but didn’t know where to go after that. I had tried to get his war record but there was a fire in St. Louis and it was lost. I had no start and I forgot about it…but then when I found the letters I knew I could figure it out.

What is one word/phrase you would use to describe this process so far?

My first thought is “labor of love”. There have been points that have been exhilarating, when I’d discover a new piece of his timeline, for example. But many times have been laborious and exhausting. But the more I think about it, it’s been more exhilarating than exhausting, so maybe that’s the word I’d choose. I feel like I rescued a story that no one would have known about, and I saved it.

What are some of the internal and external obstacles you have faced?

Externally, my research was difficult and that’s why I had to go to Arizona. Since the Bushmasters were largely a group of minorities of Native American and Hispanic soldiers, they were not truly given their due and are rarely mentioned in WWII literature and museums. Going to Arizona was a real awakening for me. When I did find information much of it was conflicting or repeated in multiple sources, which was frustrating. So it was really difficult in the beginning, but once I got the information I needed it was full speed ahead.

The biggest internal challenge has been how much I want to talk to my dad. He died in 1987, and I would love to be able to talk to him about this and tell him how proud I am.

What have you learned about yourself that you didn’t know before?

I learned about the painstaking process of writing a book and that I was able to stay with it. There’s days when I’m really sick of it. I’ve always had the writing bug, but I always thought it was just for me. But I learned that I can write fairly well and that I should share it. Also, my career always had me running around, being in the community, and being very active; the thought of sitting and working in front of a computer all day never sounded interesting to me, so I guess I learned that I am complicated!

What experiences do you have that prepared you for this?

Working on my master’s degree in Social Work required a lot of writing. I like research, as boring as that sounds, but I actually do like it. It kind of makes me want to go for my PhD. Also, I have always loved reading non-fiction. Even in school I was the kid in the library checking out a biography about Ben Franklin. I think this has been helpful for writing non-fiction.

What advice would you give to someone who is starting a big goal?

Learn along the way and make it an adventure. And when you need a break, take a break. I have a life, too – I am not a professional author and I don’t have a publisher, so I needed to make it fit in with my life. It started out as a hobby that I worked on when I could. But I always remembered how important it was, and that kept me going in the long run. Don’t lose sight of the reason why you are doing it.

What will you do to celebrate once your goal is completed?

Just handing copies to my loved ones is really what I’m looking forward to. That will be my true happiness, to give this book to people that knew my dad, and to those who didn’t get to know him. I have a feeling it will be like when I finished my master’s degree – it took three months to get over that feeling of always having a paper to write. I am going to be relieved.

Are there any projects on the horizon after this?

Yes, as a matter of fact. I decided that I like writing very much, so as soon as As Ever Joe is done, I’m going to work on a children’s book called, “Just Lizzie”. And once I see “As Ever Joe” in print I’ll want to share it. I am getting a lot of positive response from people outside of my family, so I am hoping it’s as good as I think it will be as I try to take it to a higher level.

So there you have it! Words of wisdom for a woman who knows a thing or two about achieving big goals. I hope you are as inspired as I am!

And with that, I will leave you with this thought experiment:

Who in your life could give you advice on achieving a big goal?

With Mother’s Day approaching I decided to interview my mom, Mary Jo, and my mother-in-law, Cheri. Both of them are in the process of achieving some REALLY big goals, and I am incredibly proud and inspired by their hard work and perseverance. They are doing such an awesome job I figured some of you out there might find some inspiration, too.

So first I’d like to tell you all about my mother-in-law, Cheri, and tomorrow I’ll tell you about what my mom has been working on.

So without further ado, here is my interview with Cheri:

What is the big goal you were working on?

My goal was to attend and graduate from culinary school, and I just graduated last month. Now that I finished, I am working on starting my own baking business. I know nothing about starting a business so it has been a huge learning experience, but going back to school was really the big goal I had been working on for a long time.

How did you know this was something you wanted to do?

I have always been interested in cooking, especially baking. It was something that helped me relax. For years when my kids were growing up it’s something I would do when they would nap. I always loved cooking with the kids, too. I loved to read cookbooks, but I wanted to know more and to be better.  I did some cooking classes here and there, but I wanted to know more about how and why we do it a certain way. I wanted to learn the technical side of cooking.

When did you know this was something you wanted to do?

I had thought about it for years, but I guess I assumed that you had to be really serious and couldn’t just do it for personal growth. But one night a few years ago we were at a party and I ran into a woman I knew who was an academic advisor at Grand Rapids Community College. She used to advise students in the culinary school and I said how I would really love to go back to school but that it’s not an option, and she said “why not?”, and I said “because these other kids want to do it as a career, not just because they want to go. They don’t let people just do it because they want to”. And she said, “Oh yes they do!”. And it was that simple. That night I looked it up online and the following week I was at orientation. I just did it and tried not to think about it too much because I was afraid I would back out because I was scared.

What scared you about it?

The fear of the unknown. Going back as a 57 year old woman, I knew all the kids were going to be in their late teens/early 20s. I knew the technology had all changed since I was in school. In terms of age, I knew I would be the minority in the program, and as it turns out the teachers and students did end up not treating me very well at times because of that.

What were some of the internal and/or external obstacles you faced?

They were both internal and external. External challenges were not knowing what I didn’t know. I really had no idea what I needed to know. Academics and technology had changed so much since I was last in school so that was a huge challenge for me. Internally it was always a struggle to keep my head up. I had to keep telling myself it doesn’t matter if everyone is nice to you or not – you can’t let it sway what you are doing.

What is one word or phrase you would use to describe this experience?

Strength. When I would be scared, stressed, anxious or filled with self doubt, I had a mantra I would chant to myself: “You are a strong, smart, capable woman. You can do this!” And believe me I chanted this frequently!

What did you learn about yourself that you didn’t know before?

That I am a lot stronger than I think I am, and that I don’t need to be afraid. It’s hard to be a new situation, but it’s important to not let fear hold you back.

What experiences or skills do you already have that helped prepare you for this?

I had already graduated from college so I knew how to study, and I am a planner. I also always try and stay positive and be nice whether I am treated in that fashion or not. I think that in life you can stand up for yourself but do it in a nice way. So I had a very positive attitude which was huge.

What did you do to celebrate once your goal was complete?

I finished in April and there was a little celebration at school and some of my girlfriends came, which was nice. But I really don’t feel like I need a big celebration – this was more of a personal thing. I am really happy and proud of it. But it does seem weird now that it’s over after I had been working on it for so long, so in my new spare time I have been baking a lot and working on my business.

Tell us more about your next project, your business you are starting.

I want to share the skills I have learned with other people, not just my family. I want something that I can do when I want to do it, that offers me a lot of flexibility. That way, if something comes up I can still be available to see my family, travel, etc. I want the best of both worlds. If I really want to be busy I can be, but I am not sure that I want to be right now. I want it to be fun, and I’m fortunate to have the luxury to do that.

What advice would you give to someone who is starting a big goal?

Don’t be afraid. It gets hard to stay focused on the goal and there’s going to be bumps. But don’t let any external things keep you from doing what you want. You might get sidetracked, but stay the course. If it’s worth it to you then you should keep on, even if it takes a long time. Time is going to go by regardless of what you do, so ask yourself, are you going to be where you want to be or not?

So there you have it! A big thank you to Cheri for sharing her story with me and my (approximately) billions of blog readers. She’s got great advice, so I encourage you to try some of her suggestions on your own big goals!

And with that, a thought experiment:

Who in your life has accomplished a big goal that you could get advice from?

For months we have been in the midst of potty training my twin, 2 year old daughters. I may be ever so slightly biased, but I believe they are pretty amazing. They each are hilarious, smart, and creative in their own unique ways. They are also independent thinkers. Which can be…challenging. It’s good in the long run I am sure, but at times it can be tricky.

And as it turns out, potty training as been one of those tricky occasions.

Here they are brooding (and yet they are still so cute):

Over the last few months I have been piecing together the ways in which potty training is like setting and achieving any other long-term goal, and I have discovered 4 key lessons in the process:

Lesson 1: To achieve a difficult goal, you need to know why it’s important.

Getting buy-in from these girls has been a challenge. It may become important to them at some point, but for now things like getting to wear “super fun big girl underwear” is just not a large motivating factor. I can see them thinking, “I like my pull-ups and diapers. Why would I change?”. And they aren’t wrong.

Key takeaway: It’s important to have a clear vision for how your life will be different – and better – after you achieve your goal, and don’t settle on anything less.

Lesson 2: Punishment does not work.

Everything I read said not to get mad or punish your kids when they have an accident, so we don’t do that at home. When I learned at daycare that some of the kids may need to sit down for a few minutes if they poop in their pants, I asked them to stop. I could see one of my kids regressing a little, and as soon as that stopped, she happily tried potty training again.

Key takeaway: Negative reinforcement does not work for achieving your goals. You should be giving yourself positive rewards that motivate you to keep working harder instead.

Lesson 3: Incentives work, to a point.

So while positive reinforcement is a great thing and definitely works in the beginning, it has its limits. Our girls get one M&M if they go pee on the potty, and two if they go poop on the potty. It’s really fun for them to get to pick which color they want. That all being said, after doing this for about a month now, I can see that it doesn’t quite have the same effect that it used to. Now, I can see they are excited because they feel proud.

Key takeaway: Eventually, something needs to take over internally. We need to switch from being motivated by external rewards to being motivated by something intrinsic.

Lesson 4: It will happen when they are ready.

Like so many things, it’s all about timing. At this point I have heard enough potty training stories from other parents to know that it ultimately comes down to the kid deciding that they want to do this for themselves, rather than us saying it’s the right time.

Key takeaway: We can put all the structures and plans in place that we want, but at some point we need to just go with the flow (pun intended). Try stepping back and enjoying the process rather than focusing solely on the end result.

So there you have it! 4 lessons from a mom who is potty training twins. And perhaps next time I should write a blog post on the lessons I have learned from them about fashion:

And on that extremely cute note, I leave you with this thought experiment:

Are you enjoying the process of achieving your goal? If not, how might that change?