“I think I can, I think I can, I think I can…”

Today’s inspiration comes from one of my absolute favorite books as a child, The Little Engine That Could. Though others did not see what he was capable of, he knew deep down who he could be, and what he could do. Just thinking of his struggles now brings me right back to the warm fuzzy feelings I had reading this as a kid.

Unfortunately, this post has no warm fuzzy feelings. While it’s fun to write about goals I have enjoyed, it’s also important to reflect on the ones I have…well…loathed.

But before I dive in, for a change of pace let’s start with some thought experiments:

• What keeps you going, especially when things get tough?
• What keeps those you admire going? 
• How do you know that it will be worth it in the end?

Let’s talk about the half marathon I ran in May 2015. At first glance I did everything right; I had a clear deadline, a thorough game plan in place to help prepare me physically, and I had plenty of encouragement from my husband and my coworker Keely, who were running the race with me.

WARNING: If you just signed up for a half marathon, I am sure you will rock it! The following story is just one person’s experience :).

Anyhoo, from January to May, I pressed on. I put miles on my legs at least 4-6 times per week. I checked in with my friend (who was also doing this for the first time) to share my struggles. My husband runs half and full marathons all the time – any advice I needed, I had in my own home.

Finally the day of the race arrived. At the start of the race I finally felt the adrenaline I had been waiting for; the blast of the gun is truly exciting. It gets your heart racing before your feet even begin to move. “This was worth it!”, I thought to myself.

As the course took me through a nearby neighborhood I was all verklempt by the families in their driveways holding signs, sitting in lawn chairs, all cheering us on. They didn’t know our names, but they shouted the most amazing words of encouragement. A tear actually rolled down my cheek.

It was awesome…

…for about ¼ of a mile.

That means for just under 13 miles, I struggled. My thoughts were all over the place…I started comparing this experience to medieval torture. “What in the world ever motivated me to do this?”, I asked myself. With each step my thoughts become darker and darker. My brain was internally shouting obscenities as people passing by me…everything started to make me mad. 

The course looped back around the same way it started. I found myself back in the same neighborhood. The same families were on their lawn chairs, and to their credit, hours later they exhibited just as much spirit as they did in the beginning of the race.

And for some reason, that really pissed me off.

Mind you, I am not normally this negative of a person. But the thoughts going through my head were, let’s say, less than normal. To be perfectly honest, they are not family friendly enough for this blog.

But then, I saw it. The finish line. I pushed with all my might, giving everything I had left in me to get over that line. I saw my friends and husband cheering for me. I felt the wind in my hair. It felt like I was 16 again, playing soccer and sprinting down the field on a breakaway.

And what did I feel when I finally made it across that line?

Exhaustion.

Pain.

Regret.

And maybe some very…very mild joy.

The following Monday at work I was reliving the experience with my friend who also ran that day. I described to her how much of a relief it was to see the finish line and that I was surprised how much energy I had left in me to get across it. I was feeling fairly confident in my story…until this conversation happened:

Keely: “Oh yeah! I haven’t shown you the video of you crossing the finish line yet!”

Liz: “The what? Please tell me you did not just say there is a video.”

*Keely pulls her phone out and begins searching*

Liz: “Oh no…….no……”

Keely: “Found it!”

Liz: Stop…just…please….no….

*Video plays for all to see*

Sure enough, what I thought felt like sprinting was actually me jogging slower than a leisurely walking pace. I think there were actually people in the background of the video walking faster than me. But what stuck out the most was that the look on my face was that of absolute misery.

I’d consider it just about the worst cherry on top of the worst sundae EVER.

In the weeks following the race I thought, “well, I guess it’s nice that I can cross that off my list now”. But the hard truth is, it was never really on my list to begin with. And it took me a couple of years to admit to myself:

I never should have set that goal in the first place, because I wasn’t motivated to complete it.

For a goal to be worth the effort, it must be connected to something bigger, or deeper, such as one’s innermost values. How else would we enjoy, or at the very least, endure the process? From my experience, crossing something off feels pretty good, but that alone doesn’t make it worth the effort.

If you have never taken the time to consider what your values are, and therefore what guides your decisions and motivations, doing a value card sort or asking yourself powerful coaching questions (post on this topic coming soon!) can be good places to start. Activities like this can be challenging, so set aside plenty of time, and get ready to be honest with yourself and prepare to make some difficult decisions.

For me, if a goal will allow me to focus on my family, personal growth, curiosity and learning, or teaching others, there’s a decent chance I am on the right track. If not, I will be the Little Engine That Could, But Didn’t Want To. Not as catchy.

If you think all of this is a little too mushy for your taste, that’s ok! For some, external rewards may be enough to expend time, energy, and effort on a goal. But personally, I have made the decision that when choosing my goals, I will consider my values and motivation first, and the end result second.

So now, I will continue onward and upward, chugging along at my current goals, which should make me a much happier (and nicer) person.

Perhaps the thought of creating a detailed goal is overwhelming. You may be wondering, where do I begin? How big (or small) of a goal should it be? Should it be professional or personal? How do I know I am capable of achieving it?

Or, perhaps you don’t overthink things as much as I do, in which case I so envy you.

But while you may not be overwhelmed, it’s possible you jump into goals too quickly, or form one that is too small, too big, or not connected deeply enough to your internal motivation to actually make it happen.

To help each of us wherever we fall on that spectrum, this post is all about creating the goal.

For those of you who already have a goal set, I hope the ideas that follow will help you reflect on your goal setting process and fine tune it. For those of you who are not sure where to begin, I hope this gives you a solid place to start.

So without further ado, here are five steps for creating the perfect goal (pretty infographic and all!):Step 1: Explore your options

Write down the first goal that comes to mind, but don’t stop there. Write down 3 more. And then 3 more. Think of goal setting like eating at a buffet; you don’t want to fill up on the salad. Take your time and sample all of your possibilities.

Often times the first goal you set for yourself may be one that you are confident you can achieve, but you could have pushed yourself harder and accomplished more. And if you do end up focusing on that first goal, that’s wonderful – but at least you know it is the best option for you because you have considered all of your options.

Step 2: Tap into your motivation.

Depending on your goal, it may be a long, arduous process. Something has got to keep you going.

To do this right, it deserves more space than I can fit here. For an entire post on discovering the values which help motivate you through tough goals, stay tuned for a future blog post. 

In the meantime, consider (even just one of) these questions:

• Think of a time when you felt incredibly motivated to make something happen. What was causing that for you?
• What has driven you to succeed in the past?
• What are your biggest goals in life? What do you dream of for yourself?
• In 1 year, what is something you will want to have changed? 5 years? 10 years?

Step 3: Make it SMART (ish)

There is some debate out there as to whether or not SMART goals are the most effective way to do this; some believe they are essential, while others claim they inherently cause us to hold ourselves back. But one thing is certain:

Having a system in place is key.

Be sure to know answers to questions like these:

• How will I know when I have completed it?
• Does the goal have a deadline?
• It is in the realm of possibility for me to accomplish it (i.e. I probably should not create a goal to be 6 feet tall)?
  • Note: This is not meant to sell yourself short! (Get it – I can’t be 6 feet tall, but I shouldn’t sell myself short…ha…ugh…I can’t help myself). Remember, while you consider what is attainable, be sure to stretch yourself, too.
• What obstacles may arise? Do you have a plan in place for what you will do if/when those occur?
• Do you need support creating your system? If so, plenty of free templates exist online. 

Step 4: Write it down.

There’s lots of science to back this up! I know I am guilty of thinking a goal through beautifully, only to lose sight after some period of time. And even when I do take the extra effort to write it down, I am not always consistent about reviewing it regularly.

Here are some easy ways to keep your goals where you can see them:

• Write in a journal, or a non-journal as I like to call it.
• Stick a post-it note on your computer, dresser, bathroom mirror – anywhere where you would see it every day.
• Have a techy preference? Set up automatic reminders and check-ins to do the daily work for you.

Step 5: Sleep on it.

At times I have fallen short on achieving a goal because I jumped in too quickly. For me, the process of setting the goal can be so exhilarating that I lose sight of the fact that I need to maintain just as much energy during the process of achieving the goal. Swimming, cross stitching, learning American Sign Language…all things I was really excited about, but did not see through because I jumped in too fast.

However, the times in which I have given it a few days to sink in, I find that I am either more likely to achieve the goal, or I feel confident ditching it altogether. If after a few days you still are energized by it, then it’s probably a wise decision.

Even this very blog post is testament to that final step. I came up with the crazy idea to start a blog, took the weekend to let the idea stew, and then decided to do some research…baby steps first. I kept liking this goal, so I decided to write ten posts and get feedback from others before publishing them. I thought, if I still had energy and excitement after all that, then maybe it was a good direction to go. And just look at us now :).

That’s it! Follow these 5 steps and you are well on your way. But don’t forget to consider this thought experiment first:

How might having a system in place help you achieve your goals?

When I am feeling wild enough to use a PTO day just for myself, I call it a “Day of Liz”. The day usually begins with me helping everyone else get out of the house (in my pajamas obviously) followed by sitting and s-l-o-w-l-y drinking a cup of coffee while watching the Today Show. Lots of trashy daytime TV will follow, and Netflix will ask me “Are you still watching?” at least twice. 

Of course I am still watching you Netflix! Rude.

The best “Days of Liz” are when by 4:30pm I realize I have done absolutely nothing, feel slightly guilty, and then quickly brush my teeth a few minutes before Nick and the girls get home (as if having my teeth brushed will magically make them think I actually accomplished something that day). But hey, if that’s what I need, then that’s what I need.

If I am feeling really crazy, I may go to a movie by myself, or eat lunch by myself, or go shopping by myself…notice a theme here? The key is to do something just for me, and with no one but me.

So how did the “Day of Liz” turn into the “Year of Liz” you ask?

A few months after turning 30, I decided to reflect on my life. Overall, I was incredibly happy. I thought to myself, my husband is my best friend, I have amazing (yet challenging) twin daughters, and I really enjoy my job.

These things are enough for almost anyone to be a happy person, and don’t get me wrong – they are enough for me, too. I love my life the way it is. But I asked myself:

Why have enough, when I could have more than enough?

I figured, if I am in a good place with all of the big things, then this is the perfect time for me to focus on areas that have been ignored. So I imagined if I could snap my fingers, what are the things I’d change about myself or my life in an instant? I got out my non-journal, and here’s what I came up with:

1. Purge my crap: over the course of ten years my husband and I had accumulated an unreasonable amount of stuff. We had moved four times and were getting ready to buy a home in the next year. My goal was to touch every single thing in my house and decide whether to keep it (and actually use it) or purge it.
2. Get involved in my local government: Don’t worry – I won’t share my political views here. What’s important here is that I felt like I had gotten too old to turn a blind eye to the issues that mattered to me deep down. If I said something was important to me, it was time to move from talking the talk, to walking the walk.
3. Lose the weight: My daughters were born in June 2016, and almost two years later I was still above the weight I was when I got pregnant. And that weight was above what I was when I got married. And that weight was above what I was when I graduated college…the classic story we all know and love. I was terrified of the idea of another year going by wishing I had done more the year before. To date, this has been the hardest goal I have ever set out to achieve, and it is the one I have failed the most at over the years.

Hence, the Year of Liz was born. I decided to take an entire year and focus on myself in these three areas; areas which had plagued me for years, but would make me feel so amazing if I could improve on them in any way.

I am now about four months into these three goals and have plenty of updates to share about my accomplishments – and failures – I have been experiencing…so stay tuned!

So with that, a thought experiment:

What would the Year of YOU look like?