August 2018 – Year of Liz

The Art and Science of: Creating a Stretch Goal

By lfreedma@gmail.com | August 27, 2018 | Comments 0 Comment

In preparing for this post, I reflected on the goals I have achieved so far in my life, and so far it’s been a pretty decent success rate. I can confidently say that in my 20s I achieved all of the things I set out to do, both personally and professionally. I earned my master’s degree, got married, popped out a kid or two, and traveled to some new places.

That’s a good thing…right?

Maybe, maybe not. I’m starting to realize that it may be time to ask myself some tough questions:

Have all my goals been ones I knew I would achieve? Have I ever really pushed myself?

Yikes…if I am really honest with myself, the truth is I have probably been playing it pretty safe. That’s not a bad thing per say, but what might the possibilities be if I opened myself up to risker goals?

Let’s break down a small, real-life example of mine from last fall. I set a goal to read 4 books for fun during the fall semester, and I ended up reading 6. That’s pretty good. I love crossing books off my list, so it felt pretty good.

But what if I had set a stretchier goal of reading 10 books by the end of the semester? I may have fallen short, and still only read 6 – that’s the same result, which is still pretty good. Or, I may have read 8, or 10. Or even more. I realize now that I picked 4 because I knew I could do it. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it did not really help me grow, nor did it force me to change the way I do things at all.

We could also point to the example of the half marathon I ran. If you read my previous post about it, you know that I really hated that experience. But what if I had approached it differently? What if instead of setting the goal of just finishing the race, I set a scarier goal to finish in a certain amount of time? I might have actually pushed myself and accomplished something even greater. I probably still would have hated it, but it’s a fun thought experiment!

Humans should have a healthy fear of the ocean in my opinion, but it’s a nice quote.

Ten years ago I remember reading a post in one of my favorite blogs, Life After College, called “Big, Hairy, Scary Goals”. The author, Jenny Blake, challenged readers to think of one of your biggest life goals, say it outloud to yourself, and then say it outloud to someone else. Each small step would make the goal more real, and by making it more real, it becomes tangible.

She’s talking about the BIG goals we all have. Some might be at the forefront of your mind, some you may not even dare to say. Perhaps you want to write a book, travel the word, live in a different city or country, quit your job, go back to school, start a business…the possibilities are endless.

My “Big, Hairy, Scary” goals include things like becoming a published author, earning a PhD, visiting all 50 states and all seven continents, and more. They sound exciting, and I work toward them every now and then when I have the time, money, and energy. They are the types of goals that stay with you year after year, but something – perhaps a life event, whether good or bad – always seems to get in the way. Goals like these can easily fall to the wayside, being replaced with your daily routine and short-term goals.

Don’t get me wrong – focusing on your short-term goals is incredibly important! But every now and then, shouldn’t we put aside some time and energy for something really big?

Heck, the big goals I just mentioned could even be bigger! For example, what if instead of visiting every continent I visited every country? Or learned a new language? These things sound waaaaay scarier…so maybe that’s on the right track.

My favorite section of the book, Better, Smarter, Faster was a story about what is now my all-time favorite stretch goal example. The book tells the story of the creation of the first bullet train in Japan. It was just after WWII, and Japan was searching for ways to boost their economy; a high speed train would be crucial for people to be able to travel between cities for work and leisure.

In 6 months engineers presented a prototype which would go 65 mph, which would make it one of the fastest in the world. But that wasn’t good enough for the head of the Japanese railway system – he wanted 120 mph. The conversation between the engineers and their boss went something like this:

Engineers: “That is not realistic. At those speeds, if the train turns too sharply, it would derail.”

Boss: “Why do the trains need to turn?”

Engineers: “There are numerous mountains between the cities.”

Boss: “Why not make tunnels, then?”

Engineers: “The labor required to build them is too costly.”

Boss: “Find a way.”

So they went to work and created a new prototype at 75 mph. Frustrated, the head of the railway system explained that 75 was better, but not enough to transform the nation. He replied,

“Incremental improvements would only yield incremental growth.”

So over the next two years the engineers continued doing experiment after experiment. They rebuilt some gears here, reinforced the rails there…each small change added a few more miles per hour to the overall speed. Finally, in 1964 the world’s first bullet train left the station, travelling an average speed of 120 mph. Now, to travel between Osaka and Tokyo would take roughly 3 hours instead of 20. Talk about transforming a nation.

And thanks to one of the world’s greatest technological advancements, Nick and I got to see this amazing country for ourselves:

The moral of the story is that to accomplish something great, you need to change the way you do things. As Thomas Jefferson once said,

“If you want something you have never had, you must be willing to do something you have never done.”

Essentially, the stretch goal becomes more about the process in which you do things rather than the goal itself. If I want to change my goal to visiting every country in the world rather than just every continent, it means I might have to change the way I save money, or earn extra money, or have a job that was conducive to me travelling more often, and who knows what else.

I’m not necessarily saying we should all quit our jobs and travel the world. But what I am definitely saying is that we should at least open ourselves up to the possibility.

And on that note, a thought experiment:

What would you be capable of if you stretched yourself? If you had no constraints, what would be possible? If you allowed for a major change to take place, how might that be for you?

Book Report: Better, Smarter, Faster by Charles Duhigg

By lfreedma@gmail.com | August 20, 2018 | Comments 0 Comment

As I mentioned in a previous post, I am a nerd for many reasons, one of which is that I like to write a book report after reading a book that I found to be helpful or interesting in some way. If I find myself writing notes in the margins or underlining fascinating quotes, it means that I learned things that at minimum I hope not to forget, but at maximum should intentionally implement into my life.

The first book report I ever wrote in my non-journal was about Smarter, Faster, Better: The Transformative Power of Real Productivity by Charles Duhigg. Allow me to tell you a little bit about what I learned so that you can either A) run out and buy the book yourself, B) decide it’s not for you or C) save you the trouble from buying it because I am basically going to tell you all of the key points (at least those I can relate to goal setting). There are more chapters and topics than I talk about in this post though, so check it out for yourself if you can.

This book was all about how to be more productive. The author interviewed roughly 500 successful, productive people. Some you have definitely heard of, others were people just like you and me. The book is made up of just the things that ALL 500 people said they did. If he learned tips that worked for some and not others, they didn’t make it into the book.

So with that in mind, here are the top 5 useful things from my book report that I have been applying to setting, achieving, and failing at my goals:

Motivation

To motivate ourselves, we must feel like we are in control; people in control are more confident and overcome setbacks faster. They even tend to live longer. This book cited a study in which researchers found that people in nursing homes who refuse to eat at the designated time or demand different food tend to outlive their peers. Thanks to learning that, I now have new life goals for when I am 90.
We should praise people (especially kids) for doing things that are hard for them. Motivation is often about getting through something challenging, so teaching people at a young age to persevere is essential.
To achieve a difficult goal or overcome an obstacle, write why you are doing something and make a choice about it, no matter how small.

Maintaining Focus

Anticipating your potential obstacles – and writing them down – will help you keep your focus, particularly on a long-term goal. How exactly will you overcome each obstacle that could arise? What plans can you put in place now?
Tell yourself what you expect to see beforehand. Visualize it. I can still hear my dad telling me before my high school soccer games, “Visualize yourself running down the field on a breakaway…”. Too bad I wasn’t better at listening to his advice or I’d probably have a lot more goals and assists under my belt :(.

Goal Setting

This book defines a stretch goal as “as goals that serve as jolting events that disrupt complacency and promote new ways of thinking”. In other words, to achieve something major you may have to make a major change. Stay tuned for a future post coming on this topic!
It is best to set a stretch goal with a SMART system. For something big, we need to have a solid plan in place complete with action steps, resources, contingency plans, and more.

Decision Making

Forecast the future to the best of your ability; specifically, when it comes to your goals, envision the best outcome, and a future in which things went wrong. Then ask yourself for each scenario, what went right, and what went wrong? This sounds like a fun activity I may experiment with (like I said, I’m a nerd).

Innovation

This was one of my favorite tips from the book: be an “intellectual middleman”. It may not sound very thrilling, but it is certainly refreshing. There is so much pressure to come up with new ideas, but according to the people the author interviewed, something they have all done instead is simply synthesize others’ ideas more effectively. I mean, that is essentially what I am doing with this blog – very little of the posts I write are purely original content. I am pulling resources, quotes, and ideas from other places and bringing them together. How might you be able to do this in your daily life?

So there you have it! And on that note, a thought experiment:

What have you retained from the last book you read? What can you apply to your goals?

Year of Liz Update #1

By lfreedma@gmail.com | August 14, 2018 | Comments 0 Comment

I promised honest updates on my Year of Liz goals, so here we are!

But first, a quick word of caution before you proceed: this post is a bit long because I wanted to fit in updates for all three goals. If you are not interested in all three, skip to the one you want!

As I mentioned in a previous post about creating the perfect goal in 5 steps, step #4 is to write it down. That means not only writing down the goal itself, which I did in my non-journal, but checking in on the goal and writing down your progress.

With that in mind, the way I am going to approach this update is to ask myself four questions for each of my goals:

What are the steps you have taken so far (whether they have worked or not) toward achieving your goal? What is working? What needs to be changed?
What does your current progress look like? Are you where you expected to be?
What have you learned along the way? Provide some words of wisdom to yourself, remember your original motivations, and see if it is time for a reward of some kind.
What is/are the step(s) you are going to take moving forward, no matter how big or small? What might you be able to do today?

So without further ado, here goes nothing:

Goal #1: Purge my crap.

Steps I have taken so far:

With this goal, I started by doing some research. I found blogs about living a minimalist life and read the popular book, The Joy of Less. I also learned in conversation that my coworker was awesome at this, so I asked her if she would be willing to check in and see how I was doing every now and then. I figured why not go to the experts, since this is something I clearly have not been naturally motivated to do in the past?

Nick and I also bought a house last month, which is by far the most adult thing we have ever done (yes, I realize we are parents, but still). So as a result, this goal was forced to make tremendous progress! Before we started packing, we went through every room in the house and ended up bringing about 2-3 cars full worth of items to Goodwill. It. felt. awesome.

I also kept a habit tracker for this goal. To be honest, I only updated it twice, but having a visual has been incredibly rewarding. Here is an updated photo from my non-journal of what I am referring to:

While reflecting on what has worked and what hasn’t, I realized that in this case, all the steps I took worked really well overall. I broke things down into smaller chunks (i.e. one room, or even one corner, at a time), forced myself to take a couple of days off to dedicate to this project while the girls could still be at daycare, and once I got going, the momentum was fairly easy to keep up because I saw instant results.

If I could change anything, I wish I realized sooner that I needed to take some time off work to purge. In the beginning I tried to work on this after the girls went to bed, but the reality is I never chose to use what little energy I had left at the end of the day for this goal.

Current progress:

I am just slightly behind where I expected to be at this point, and overall and am really proud of the progress we made. Sure, buying a house made this goal a top priority, and maybe even a necessity, but I’ll take it!

Words of wisdom to myself:

DO THIS EVERY YEAR! The girls’ birthday fall 6 months after Christmas, so perhaps before each of those two holidays we do a small-scale purge. Nick and I don’t tend to buy a lot for them, but our family and friends do (which we appreciate – no complaining here!), so it would be a great excuse to do walkthrough of the house, donate things none of us use regularly, and make way for some new things to come in.

Also, please think really critically before buying anything new. It took a lot of work to get to this point, so just make sure it is something you really want.

Lastly, of all the motivations you wrote down, the one that will probably influence you the most is to have the ability to not have to clean very much before people come over (i.e. you get to be lazier). Remember that.

Step(s) moving forward:

This has given me some renewed energy and focus, so this weekend I plan on finishing the purge once and for all. That means that I need to do a walk through of our bedroom, kitchen, the girls’ room, and our cars, and I will be done. Then, maybe I will have earned one of the rewards I originally wrote, if they are still things I want.

Goal #2: Get Involved In My Local Government.

Reflection on steps I have taken so far:

To be honest, this goal stresses me out. It is not in my nature to be outspoken (although I do realize the irony of writing that statement on my very public blog). I really don’t even want to write about this. I value conflict when it serves a purpose to improve something in my life or someone else’s, but often with arguments about politics that does not seem to occur…ever.

Alright, I’ll step off my soapbox now and get to the point.

Similar to purging my crap, this is something that I don’t feel particularly knowledgeable about, so I decided to find an expert. A good friend of mine knows more than anyone else I know about our local government and ways to get involved. I invited her over to share some wisdom with me, and to my delight she was PUMPED to do so. It was a refreshing reminder that people enjoy sharing the things they are passionate about, so I should never be hesitant to ask for help.

She provided me with some websites to follow, helped me think more critically about which issues I care most about, and most importantly, she got me excited for the first time about an area that I just never cared for.

Current progress:

Alright, so this goal started really strong, but since that initial meeting a few months ago, it has quite honestly fallen to the wayside. For about a month or so I called my elected officials in Indianapolis and D.C. to tell them my thoughts and I felt really good. Unfortunately, the more I dove into certain issues, the more it stressed me out. It became painfully obvious once again that this is something that I intellectually think is important, but in my gut it causes me discomfort.

Long story short, I think I need to do some soul searching and reevaluate if this goal is something that is still important to me.

Words of wisdom to myself:

Liz, if you decide to pause or stop this goal altogether, it doesn’t mean you failed at it. You have given it an honest effort. But before you decide to pull the plug, do some digging and coach yourself. Find out what is at the root of this issue for you, because you were really motivated about it in the beginning. Surely that means it is important to you on some level, but what is it exactly that you hope to achieve?

Step(s) moving forward:

Set up a time to be coached by a colleague (I have a few friends who are earning professional coaching certificates right now and who need people to practice on). Get to the bottom of what it important about this goal so that you can decide whether you want to keep at it, or re-frame it in some way.

Goal #3: Lose the Weight.

Reflection on steps I have taken so far:

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh. I LOVE/HATE THIS GOAL SO MUCHHHHHHHHHHH.

This is the big one. The one I know for a fact is important to me, the one that I don’t think I’ll ever totally let go of. And yet, I work so little at it :).

Now, it hasn’t been all bad. I have lost about 6 pounds, and even with fluctuating since then, on average I have managed to keep that weight off. Mostly this is a result of being more strict with portion control at dinner time (i.e. not eating everything my daughters don’t finish), skipping alcohol almost altogether for several weeks, and eating fewer carbs (lots of meat and cheese? Yes please.).

I also met with a nutritionist for free through work and I was really optimistic about that. Unfortunately, all of his ideas for healthy meals were not very toddler-friendly, so I did not put them into practice. Perhaps in time the girls will eat beef and broccoli stir fry, but for now that’s just not the case, and I am not willing to make a separate meal for myself each night.

Lastly, I started going to physical therapy to work on my diastasis recti, a fairly common abdominal muscle issue as a result of carrying multiples. Not only was I able to strengthen my core again – no, we are not talking 6-pack abs here – but I learned new exercises to strengthen me so that I’m not constantly in pain from bending down and picking things (and small people) up. Some of the exercises I was given were similar to yoga, which is something I have tried in the past but hasn’t stuck.

Me, four days before the girls were born, 75+ pounds heavier than before. I can just see my abdominal muscles stretttttcccchhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing.

Current progress:

It started strong, but I think have plateaued to some degree; I have gone as far as I can without external help. That being said, I have been proud of myself for getting back on the horse when I have fallen off over the weeks. This goal has certainly had its ups and downs (i.e. the obscene amount of beer and snacks I consumed over the course of 9 days at my in-laws’ cottage in Michigan was, let’s just say, slightly off the wagon).

Words of wisdom to myself:

A lower number on the scale would be great, but maybe you need to reframe how you think about this goal. Instead consider how strong you want to be for your daughters. Not just mentally and emotionally strong – that in itself is a workout you conquer (almost) every day. But it’s time to be physically strong for them, too.

Step(s) moving forward:

It might be time to dedicate money to a personal trainer. With the start of the academic year just around the corner, I don’t think this is likely to happen in the immediate future, but perhaps sometime after fall break. I need to determine how much it will cost, talk to Nick about it, and go from there.

I also should consider trying yoga again. After all, how many exercises are there to do in the comfort of your living room?

Final Thoughts:

Writing this post was so helpful because it required me to look back at my non-journal and see what my original deadlines were, what my motivations were, and how I was going to reward myself. But, I realize some of you may be thinking – who has time to write down this kind of detailed update for each of my goals??? – to which I would answer with this thought experiment:

How might formally checking in on your goal progress energize you to keep moving forward? What might you need to be reminded of? How might taking some time now help save you time in the long run?

Lessons From Grandma Sally

By lfreedma@gmail.com | August 7, 2018 | Comments 2 comments

Let’s start today’s post with a thought experiment:

What life lessons have you learned from your grandparents?

I chose that question because Sally Freedman, my grandmother, passed away a few weeks ago at the ripe old age of 91. She was my last living grandparent. I take solace in the fact that it was peaceful, and that she was surrounded by her family. Her services this past weekend were the perfect mixture of sadness and celebration. I think we all got the closure we needed, but even so, I am only just beginning to reflect on the impact she had on me.

Sally was a teacher. She taught elementary school and was a learning disabilities specialist; her masters degree is in Reading Disabilities. So as an educator, it makes perfect sense that she taught me lessons about love, parenting, and life in general. At age 30, as I think about my own future and what the next 61 years may look like, it only seems fitting to reflect on some of these lessons.

So here are a few stories about Sally Freedman, and the three most significant lessons she taught me:

Lesson #1: There’s no challenge you cannot overcome.

Sally was a young girl growing up during the depression. We often heard stories – particularly if we did not eat everything on our plate – of what life was like then. She grew up in Aberdeen, South Dakota, where food was scarce, life was stressful, and for nearly a decade, there was no end in sight.

This experience clearly affected her for the rest of her life. She was excellent at saving and reusing just about anything. We would tease her about washing used plastic silverware to save for a future meal, but when I stop to think about where that habit came from, I instantly feel put back in my place (and rightfully so). We take a lot for granted, but she certainly never did.

She later moved to Chicago, where she met the first love of her life, Jack Doyle, and had three daughters. Tragically, while her children were still very young, Jack succumbed to illness and passed away after roughly three years of treatment. It was probably the biggest challenge she ever faced in her life, and just the sheer thought of it is one of my personal nightmares.

I asked her once how she managed to get through that time, and her response was just as pragmatic as she was. Her answer was simple; she had three girls to raise. Period. She accepted help along the way, largely from her community at her Unitarian Church, although I find it hard to believe that she asked for it. Thankfully though, they surrounded her with support, and she was able to make it through.

One of the friends that supported her in her time of need was Arthur Freedman, or as I like to call him, Grandpa Art. Sally and Art were married shortly thereafter; Art had two sons from his previous marriage to my Grandma Virginia (one of them named Peter – yay dad!) and they had one more son together. Pretty soon, they were quite the modern family, and I would be lucky enough to have five grandparents instead of four.

I am confident that when she first moved to Chicago she never imagined her life would end up looking like it did, but I am equally confident that she is grateful that it did. No matter what seemingly insurmountable challenge lied ahead of her, she faced it with unwavering pragmatism and hopeful optimism; a lesson we can all learn from.

Lesson #2: Know your story.

In addition to being an educator, Grandma Sally was a storyteller. She was an author – my personal favorite is a children’s book she wrote called Devin’s New Bed. Devin is my cousin, and my sister Katie and cousin Anthony are two of the main characters. Devin has to transition from his crib to a big boy bed and he doesn’t like it…they all jump on it and chaos ensues…etc. That’s all fine, but the BEST part of the book is an adorable little (unnamed), baby girl at the very end who will inherit Devin’s crib. She really steals the show :).

Ok, so my mom was still pregnant when Sally wrote it, but despite the fact that I don’t have a name in the book I consider myself to be a pivotal character nonetheless.

Anyhoo, in addition to her professional writing, Sally was also our family’s personal record keeper. She would write annual newsletters to her six children and many grandchildren explaining the momentous – and oftentimes mundane – events that happened in all of our lives that year. This was essential because my family is spread out all over; we are in Maine, Massachusetts, Oregon, California, Illinois, Indiana, and even Australia. Depending on the year, many of us have lived in countless other states and countries as well. She knew that no matter where life was taking us individually, it was important to be connected to each other.

Lesson #3: Find joy in the small things.

Grandma Sally had her fair share of adventures. She road tripped throughout the country more times than any of us could count, she travelled the world with my Grandpa Art, and she reinvented her career more than once. But despite all of this, I believe if I could ask her now, she would say the things that gave her the most joy in life would be the little things. From my perspective, she was excellent at living in the present.

My cousin Caitlin told me about a time when Grandpa Art brought her home some chocolates unexpectedly; her face lit up and she exclaimed, “You DO love me!!!”. I wasn’t there, but I can picture her saying that so vividly. The things that excited her the most were things like getting a new picture of one of her great grandchildren to hang on her wall or just hearing about what was going on in our lives. My favorite expression of hers was, “What fun!”, which she said to just about anything.

If you read this blog you probably can tell that I tend to think about the future a lot. Sometimes, perhaps a bit too much. So I will do my best to think about the here and now. The small things.

To close, although this experience has been bittersweet, I have managed to find joy in it, just as Sally would want. I wish it were under different circumstances, but I am thankful to have had this time to consider all she taught me, as well as lessons from my other four grandparents. They all showed different ways of living and enjoying life, and I have gained something from each of them.

I hope I never forget the small details about her; her gold french horn necklace, the sound of her voice singing “There’s a hole in the bucket, dear Liza” around a campfire, the colorful rings she wore on each hand. But most importantly, I hope I never forget the lessons.