Any good goal comes in three parts:

1. What you do BEFORE the goal
2. What you do DURING the goal
3. What you do AFTER the goal

Since there is so much fun stuff to talk about related to these parts, the next few blog posts are going to be part of a series explaining each of those more in depth.

So to start us off, what are some of the steps we should take BEFORE we start a goal?

In all of the research I have done, and in my own personal experiences, it is clear to see that vast majority of the work needs to take place in this very first part.

In order to start a goal, we must first have a good understanding of not only what is important to us, but why it is important to us as well.

So to help you do that, here are two ways to choose what your goal is going to be:

1. Do a “Stop, Start, Continue”.

If you are not quite sure where to start, this activity can work wonders. I originally learned about it from a former boss, and she learned it along the way from someone else.

The premise is pretty simple; all you do is ask yourself three questions:

1. What would I like to START doing that I am not currently doing?
2. What am I doing that I would like to STOP doing?
3. What am I doing well or enjoying that I would like to CONTINUE doing?

You can change this activity slightly based on the situation as well. For example, you could consider these questions focusing on work, or your personal life, your health, finances, etc. There is no right or wrong way to do this.

Afterward, you may have a general idea of what your goal may be. Once you have that, you can move on to the second way to help choose your goal:

2. Ask yourself “Why?” five times.

Choosing the goal is not quite enough; you must also have a firm grasp on why it is important to you. This is essential because if and when things get difficult, it helps to have a solid reasoning to fall back on for why you started this goal in the first place.

Additionally, this activity is a good idea because you can make sure the goal is something that is even worth doing for you before you spend too much time, energy, or money on it.

Doing this is pretty simple. Consider your goal, and ask yourself why it is important roughly five times (or however many times it takes) to get somewhere deeper and more meaningful.

For example, one of my work goals is to submit an article to a publication that I have never written for before. It’s something that I have had on my mind for several months, but I have not done any work to get this goal started, so I figured doing this activity to connect it to a deeper motivation may be helpful.

So here we go:

Liz: I want to submit an article to a new publication.

Why #1: Why is this important to you?

Liz: Because I like to challenge myself to do new things.

Why #2: Why is this important to you?

Liz: Because I like to be constantly gaining a new skill or experience.

Why #3: Why is this important to you?

Liz: Because I don’t want to feel stale, and I like the idea of being able to reinvent myself if needed.

Why #4: Why is this important to you?

Liz: Because when it comes to work especially, the people that have influenced me the most (my parents and my Grandpa Art to name a few) all had or have a strong work ethic, curiosity, and a desire to take on new challenges.

Why #5: Why is this important to you?

Liz: Because I want to be a similar role model for my daughters.

I have to say, before doing this activity, I would not have guessed that a project like writing an article would somehow connect to being a mom, but it does.

By doing this I can see what is important to me most of all: to choose goals that will help me be the kind of role model and mom that I want to be. Perhaps writing the article is one way to do that, or perhaps I should focus on something else. But the point is, I know which general direction I should be heading.

So there you have it! Two simple activities to get you started. But before you run off to try these for yourself, consider this:

How much time do you typically spend in the BEFORE the goal stage? Is it enough?

If you remember nothing else from this blog post, remember this:

Be a baby.

Now, I am not insinuating that we retreat back to someone changing our diapers and being totally helpless creatures. But I do think that we can learn a lot from babies when it comes to setting, achieving, and failing at our goals.

Take walking for example. According to a 2012 study, infants aged 12-19 months fell on average 17 times per hour while learning to walk. Imagine you are setting out to learn a new skill, or achieve a goal, and you failed 17 times in a row, every hour, all day.

Would you keep going?

Understandably, the answer to that is most likely no. And yet, we all started the same way; learning to walk, falling hundreds, if not thousands of times before we got it right.

The same goes for learning to drink from a cup, learning to put on our clothes, learning to use the potty…literally every time we learned a new skill, we first had to fail over, and over, and over.

And yet, we kept going.

So what changed? Perhaps we got tired, lost our motivation, or lost track of that unbridled joy that is so characteristic of a baby, even when failing. But in my opinion, it’s not too late to get it back.

I have been thinking about this post for a while, so I spent the last several weeks observing my daughters in a new light. They are almost 2 ½ years old now, and to watch them approach a new situation is fascinating.

It happens in one of two ways:

They either approach cautiously, taking ample time to observe the situation first, and asking for support if needed:

Or they jump in enthusiastically without really giving it much thought at all:

Whichever way you approach a new experience, the bottom line is they always end up entering the situation with everything they’ve got. And no matter what, every time, they are thrilled with the results.

We do such a good job of making sure our children have new experiences as often as possible. But do we regularly give ourselves the same opportunities? When was the last time we intentionally gave ourselves a variety of new experiences, and approached them with pure joy and curiosity?

I don’t know about you, but I am ready to get out there and fail, try again, and learn something new along the way.

And as always, I leave you with this:

How can you find something new to learn, just for the sheer joy of it?

In my first Year of Liz update post, I briefly mentioned that one thing I might try regarding my health goal is yoga. I started by doing my usual multi-step process before beginning any goal: I did research, talked with a friend who is an expert, reflected on it, thought about the pros and cons, and yadda yadda yadda, I began a 30 day yoga challenge.

*Side note – perhaps I overthink these things…but then again, I do love my thought experiments…*

This goal hit all of the points that have led me to success before: it was something new, it had a specific deadline, and best of all, it was convenient. I could do it in the comfort of my own living room, in my pajamas no less. And sure enough, the first 6 days were AWESOME.

Then…

You might have guessed it…

I stopped.

But even though I only did 6 out of the 30 days, you better believe I learned a few things from the process.

So without further ado, here are the 3 things I learned from failing at a 30 day yoga challenge:

#1: The goal should be about you – not the exercise.

I really enjoyed the first few days because each lesson was about me, and the yoga was just the way to explore the topic of the day. For example, the first day was all about motivation. So with each move – some more tortuous than others – the common thread was the encouragement of the instructor to consider your motivations for all that you do. Another day was about mental strength, another about taking risks, and so on.

Maybe that’s what’s wrong with our fitness goals in particular. We focus too much on the activity or the end result and not enough on ourselves, and how we may need to change the way we think in order to achieve success.

#2: My usual steps to success are not always enough.

Like I said, this goal had all of the right stuff for me. It was convenient, had a specific deadline, and it was something new. But alas, here I am, writing this post as a failure to complete my mission.

So what was missing?

I spent some time contemplating this, and it’s obvious to me that it has everything to do with motivation, or lack thereof. Which brings me to my next point.

#3: I’m not upset that I didn’t finish – and that’s ok.

When day 7 came and I didn’t do it, I felt the slightest twinge of guilt. But then, as quick as that twinge came, it left. Day 8 passed and I still felt nothing. Then day 9, and so on.

So I did something I have rarely done before when it comes to my goals. I decided to stop…and not feel guilty about it.

If you recall from my least favorite goal ever post, I decided recently that especially when it came to health and fitness goals, I would only work on ones that I was truly motivated to do, and that I would try to enjoy the process instead of just focusing on the end result.

Well in the case of 30 day yoga, I realized around day 5 that I really disliked the process. A lot. After that “newness” feeling wore off in a few days, I kind of dreaded pulling my mat out each evening. So when I skipped a couple of days I asked myself, if I dislike this so much, then why in the world am I doing it?

Does it mean that I am giving up on having any fitness goals ever?

Nope.

It just means that I am still looking for ones in which I can at the very least tolerate the process, and ideally enjoy it. And in the meantime I will get fitness in other ways – just not in a formal goal format.

So with that being said, here is your thought experiment for the day:

Reflect on a the last goal you failed to achieve. What can you learn from that experience?