This is the third and final post in my before, during, and after the goal series. So at this point, once you have created an effective goal, and persevered throughout your goal achievement process, you have finally made it to the end.

So what happened? Did you achieve the goal, or did you fail?

Of course, everyone has done both of those things. Therefore, my advice in this blog post will be broken down by whether or not you achieved the goal, because either way, there is plenty to do.

Let’s start with the more likeable option:

You achieved your goal!

What will you do next?

My advice is to first take time to celebrate. Hopefully you have thought through some possible rewards that you could give to yourself, but if not, now is the time to do so. You worked hard, and you deserve to treat yourself.

But once the partying is done, it’s time to get to work again. Because if you successfully completed a goal, you may want to capitalize on that momentum. So to do this effectively, take time to consider what went well, what worked, and what didn’t work. That way, you can immediately begin working on your next crowning achievement.

To summarize, if you achieved your goal, your next steps may sound like this:

1. Say yay, I did it!!!
2. Ask yourself: what’s next?

Alrighty, now it’s time to talk about the less likeable option.

You failed at your goal 🙁

Personally, when I fail to achieve a goal, I like to reserve a little time to wallow in self pity. Nothing too intense of course; just a handful of oreos or a quick 5 episodes of Frasier on Netflix…you know, the usual stuff. But then, it’s time to get back to work.

First, take the time to analyze why you weren’t successful. Was the goal too much of a reach, or too easy? Was it your system, steps, or timeline? Taking a moment to understand these details will help immensely once you begin the next goal.

Secondly, consider your motivation. Is it still the same as it was when you began your goal? If not, perhaps this goal is not even worth your time and effort. But if your motivations are still present, then there is only one thing to do…

TRY AGAIN!!!

Instead of considering this a failed goal, consider it a first attempt. For your second attempt, what will be different? How will you ensure that you will be successful? Remember: This was not a waste of time if you learned something.

To summarize, if you failed to achieve your goal, your steps may sound like this:

1. Briefly wallow.
2. Determine where it went wrong.
3. Ask yourself: do I even still care about this?
4. Either try again, or make a new goal – but either way, determine what will be different.

So there you have it. Some easy, yet critical steps for the ending of any goal. And as always, I leave you with this thought experiment:

What do you typically do after finishing a goal?

As we talked about in last week’s blog post, there are key things to do before, during, and after a goal. Today’s post is going to be all about what to do DURING the goal. That is, how to maintain, reevaluate, and reward yourself along the way.

To make sure you achieve the goal you created, follow these steps:

#1: Consider your original motivation.

To say that achieving a goal can be difficult is the understatement of the century. Goals can be REALLY. FREAKING. HARD.

So how are you going to stay motivated when things get tough?

One quick way to do this is to revisit your original motivation. Hopefully you have written it down somewhere, whether that is a list of your values, a mind map of what your future will look like, or your favorite quote or personal mantra. Make sure you have something tangible you can see that can give you the energy you need to continue.

Let’s use the metaphor of running a marathon. When you are halfway through, you have run 13.1 miles – that’s pretty amazing! But…you still have 13.1 miles to go. What is going to give you the energy you need to persist?

#2: Get back on the horse.

Inevitably, we all fall off the horse sometimes. What’s more important is how you get back on.

For example, let’s say you have a healthy eating goal, and one day you eat half a bag of marshmallows. The regular sized ones, not minis. This is obviously made up and not at all my own story. Obviously. It’s just that sometimes when people buy marshmallows for s’mores there are always a ton leftover that just sit in the pantry, just waiting to be eaten. Again, this is what I have been told…I don’t know this from personal experience. Obviously. But moving on…

Let’s say this happens. Should that mean that immediately after the marshmallow binge that the health goal is a failure? Of course not!

I know from my own personal experience that when this happens my gut reaction is to say to myself, “well that was fun while it lasted…I guess this goal is over”. But what if instead I said, “That happened, and now I better get back on track, starting right now”? That would be pretty amazing.

Consider Mount Everest:

If the peak is when you have successfully completed your goal, it’s not possible to get there on the first try. In fact, it takes about two months to successfully summit it. Climbers must acclimate to the atmosphere the higher they go, so they go up, and come back down, and go up again, over and over until they reach the top.

But you better believe that once they are there they turn around to see how far they have come.

So why don’t we do this with our goals? If we consider every set back to be a valley of the entire mountain range, it makes perfect sense that it will take several attempts to finally reach the summit.

If you are more of a numbers person than an outdoorsy person, consider a profit graph:

The same principle applies. No company has a perfect straight line going upward indefinitely. There are periods of upward growth, and brief periods of the opposite. The most important thing is an overall trend moving in the right direction over a long period of time.

So when you have a set back, do yourself a favor and give yourself a break, and get back on the horse.  

#3: Reassess the goal.

Additionally, in the middle stages of a goal, it’s a great idea to assess the goal itself. Take a moment to consider if the goal is too much of a reach, or if it is too easy. There is nothing wrong with changing the goal halfway through if you are re-calibrating it to make it achievable or to push you even further.

Or perhaps the goal is just fine, but your process needs reassessing. Are the systems you have in place still working for you? If not, what might need to change for the remainder of the goal?

An easy way to do all of this is to do a stop, start, continue activity, which I talked about in the last post. It’s a great tool to help create the goal, and is equally helpful for considering your next steps for completing the goal.

#4: Reward yourself.

Finally, be sure to treat yourself!

The end of the goal hopefully has a significant internal and/or external reward waiting for you, but it can be helpful to have smaller rewards along the way to keep you motivated.

The main thing is to make sure that the reward is something that will give you positive reinforcement to continue working on the goal. In other words, don’t reward yourself with the thing you are supposed to be giving up.

For example, a bag of marshmallows should not be your reward if you have a healthy eating goal. Instead, eating a few marshmallows at strategic and intentional times as part of your system for achieving your goal would be much more effective. Then, perhaps the goal would be something that would continue to encourage the healthy habits you are creating, such as spending money on a new health app, a fitness tracker device, new clothes, etc.

So there you have it! 4 easy ways to ensure you stay on track when it comes to your big goals.

But worry not, I also leave you with this:

Consider a big goal you achieved. How did you stay motivated?

What rewards would help you work even harder on your goals?

What is an example of a goal that you should have reassessed?

 

 

Any good goal comes in three parts:

1. What you do BEFORE the goal
2. What you do DURING the goal
3. What you do AFTER the goal

Since there is so much fun stuff to talk about related to these parts, the next few blog posts are going to be part of a series explaining each of those more in depth.

So to start us off, what are some of the steps we should take BEFORE we start a goal?

In all of the research I have done, and in my own personal experiences, it is clear to see that vast majority of the work needs to take place in this very first part.

In order to start a goal, we must first have a good understanding of not only what is important to us, but why it is important to us as well.

So to help you do that, here are two ways to choose what your goal is going to be:

1. Do a “Stop, Start, Continue”.

If you are not quite sure where to start, this activity can work wonders. I originally learned about it from a former boss, and she learned it along the way from someone else.

The premise is pretty simple; all you do is ask yourself three questions:

1. What would I like to START doing that I am not currently doing?
2. What am I doing that I would like to STOP doing?
3. What am I doing well or enjoying that I would like to CONTINUE doing?

You can change this activity slightly based on the situation as well. For example, you could consider these questions focusing on work, or your personal life, your health, finances, etc. There is no right or wrong way to do this.

Afterward, you may have a general idea of what your goal may be. Once you have that, you can move on to the second way to help choose your goal:

2. Ask yourself “Why?” five times.

Choosing the goal is not quite enough; you must also have a firm grasp on why it is important to you. This is essential because if and when things get difficult, it helps to have a solid reasoning to fall back on for why you started this goal in the first place.

Additionally, this activity is a good idea because you can make sure the goal is something that is even worth doing for you before you spend too much time, energy, or money on it.

Doing this is pretty simple. Consider your goal, and ask yourself why it is important roughly five times (or however many times it takes) to get somewhere deeper and more meaningful.

For example, one of my work goals is to submit an article to a publication that I have never written for before. It’s something that I have had on my mind for several months, but I have not done any work to get this goal started, so I figured doing this activity to connect it to a deeper motivation may be helpful.

So here we go:

Liz: I want to submit an article to a new publication.

Why #1: Why is this important to you?

Liz: Because I like to challenge myself to do new things.

Why #2: Why is this important to you?

Liz: Because I like to be constantly gaining a new skill or experience.

Why #3: Why is this important to you?

Liz: Because I don’t want to feel stale, and I like the idea of being able to reinvent myself if needed.

Why #4: Why is this important to you?

Liz: Because when it comes to work especially, the people that have influenced me the most (my parents and my Grandpa Art to name a few) all had or have a strong work ethic, curiosity, and a desire to take on new challenges.

Why #5: Why is this important to you?

Liz: Because I want to be a similar role model for my daughters.

I have to say, before doing this activity, I would not have guessed that a project like writing an article would somehow connect to being a mom, but it does.

By doing this I can see what is important to me most of all: to choose goals that will help me be the kind of role model and mom that I want to be. Perhaps writing the article is one way to do that, or perhaps I should focus on something else. But the point is, I know which general direction I should be heading.

So there you have it! Two simple activities to get you started. But before you run off to try these for yourself, consider this:

How much time do you typically spend in the BEFORE the goal stage? Is it enough?

If you remember nothing else from this blog post, remember this:

Be a baby.

Now, I am not insinuating that we retreat back to someone changing our diapers and being totally helpless creatures. But I do think that we can learn a lot from babies when it comes to setting, achieving, and failing at our goals.

Take walking for example. According to a 2012 study, infants aged 12-19 months fell on average 17 times per hour while learning to walk. Imagine you are setting out to learn a new skill, or achieve a goal, and you failed 17 times in a row, every hour, all day.

Would you keep going?

Understandably, the answer to that is most likely no. And yet, we all started the same way; learning to walk, falling hundreds, if not thousands of times before we got it right.

The same goes for learning to drink from a cup, learning to put on our clothes, learning to use the potty…literally every time we learned a new skill, we first had to fail over, and over, and over.

And yet, we kept going.

So what changed? Perhaps we got tired, lost our motivation, or lost track of that unbridled joy that is so characteristic of a baby, even when failing. But in my opinion, it’s not too late to get it back.

I have been thinking about this post for a while, so I spent the last several weeks observing my daughters in a new light. They are almost 2 ½ years old now, and to watch them approach a new situation is fascinating.

It happens in one of two ways:

They either approach cautiously, taking ample time to observe the situation first, and asking for support if needed:

Or they jump in enthusiastically without really giving it much thought at all:

Whichever way you approach a new experience, the bottom line is they always end up entering the situation with everything they’ve got. And no matter what, every time, they are thrilled with the results.

We do such a good job of making sure our children have new experiences as often as possible. But do we regularly give ourselves the same opportunities? When was the last time we intentionally gave ourselves a variety of new experiences, and approached them with pure joy and curiosity?

I don’t know about you, but I am ready to get out there and fail, try again, and learn something new along the way.

And as always, I leave you with this:

How can you find something new to learn, just for the sheer joy of it?

In my first Year of Liz update post, I briefly mentioned that one thing I might try regarding my health goal is yoga. I started by doing my usual multi-step process before beginning any goal: I did research, talked with a friend who is an expert, reflected on it, thought about the pros and cons, and yadda yadda yadda, I began a 30 day yoga challenge.

*Side note – perhaps I overthink these things…but then again, I do love my thought experiments…*

This goal hit all of the points that have led me to success before: it was something new, it had a specific deadline, and best of all, it was convenient. I could do it in the comfort of my own living room, in my pajamas no less. And sure enough, the first 6 days were AWESOME.

Then…

You might have guessed it…

I stopped.

But even though I only did 6 out of the 30 days, you better believe I learned a few things from the process.

So without further ado, here are the 3 things I learned from failing at a 30 day yoga challenge:

#1: The goal should be about you – not the exercise.

I really enjoyed the first few days because each lesson was about me, and the yoga was just the way to explore the topic of the day. For example, the first day was all about motivation. So with each move – some more tortuous than others – the common thread was the encouragement of the instructor to consider your motivations for all that you do. Another day was about mental strength, another about taking risks, and so on.

Maybe that’s what’s wrong with our fitness goals in particular. We focus too much on the activity or the end result and not enough on ourselves, and how we may need to change the way we think in order to achieve success.

#2: My usual steps to success are not always enough.

Like I said, this goal had all of the right stuff for me. It was convenient, had a specific deadline, and it was something new. But alas, here I am, writing this post as a failure to complete my mission.

So what was missing?

I spent some time contemplating this, and it’s obvious to me that it has everything to do with motivation, or lack thereof. Which brings me to my next point.

#3: I’m not upset that I didn’t finish – and that’s ok.

When day 7 came and I didn’t do it, I felt the slightest twinge of guilt. But then, as quick as that twinge came, it left. Day 8 passed and I still felt nothing. Then day 9, and so on.

So I did something I have rarely done before when it comes to my goals. I decided to stop…and not feel guilty about it.

If you recall from my least favorite goal ever post, I decided recently that especially when it came to health and fitness goals, I would only work on ones that I was truly motivated to do, and that I would try to enjoy the process instead of just focusing on the end result.

Well in the case of 30 day yoga, I realized around day 5 that I really disliked the process. A lot. After that “newness” feeling wore off in a few days, I kind of dreaded pulling my mat out each evening. So when I skipped a couple of days I asked myself, if I dislike this so much, then why in the world am I doing it?

Does it mean that I am giving up on having any fitness goals ever?

Nope.

It just means that I am still looking for ones in which I can at the very least tolerate the process, and ideally enjoy it. And in the meantime I will get fitness in other ways – just not in a formal goal format.

So with that being said, here is your thought experiment for the day:

Reflect on a the last goal you failed to achieve. What can you learn from that experience?

“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.”                                       

                                                                                                                                                                      – Steve Jobs

Consider where you are at in your life, right in this moment.

I’m not just saying that for you to read it and move on – actually think about it.

Better yet, consider one of your greatest accomplishments. Or a milestone you reached.

Now consider, how did you get there? What are the moments that brought you to that very spot?

Perhaps you are thinking about a job you obtained, meeting the love of your life, moving to a new city. Whatever the case may be, for better or worse, that moment was the amalgamation of countless smaller ones, or dots.

I often think of my first full-time job in higher education. So many dots had to successfully connect in order to make that happen. For example, here are the ten big dots that led to my first full-time job, from the end to the beginning:

#10: Nailed the interview!

#9: Had 9 failed interviews within a few weeks leading up to this.

#8: Completed an internship in career services at Ivy Tech Community College.

#7: Applied to a master’s program in Higher Education and Student Affairs; my admission was denied.

#6: Narrowed my job search to career services jobs because I completed two informational interviews with staff at Butler University, making me confident in this path.

#5: Knew that I should do informational interviews because I was an exploratory student (i.e. undecided major-wise) for my first two years at Butler and we did that as a homework assignment.

#4: Learned that higher ed was even a career path/master’s degree option because my friend Katy was interested in it.

#3: Realized I really liked tutoring students in Speaker’s Lab; thought this could relate to a future career in some way, but wasn’t sure how.

#2: Was encouraged to apply for a job in the Speaker’s Lab because my speech professor in my first semester of college happened to be the director of that program.

#1: Enrolled as an exploratory student at Butler University.

I could go on and on, and on and on. How I chose Butler and that I wanted to be an exploratory student are an entirely different series of dots.

As you can see in that list, some of those dots were intentional, ones that I had total control over. Some were completely random.

For someone who likes to be in control (i.e. me) that concept can be quite unsettling. To some degree I can influence how the dots may connect, but not entirely.

I find comfort in something acclaimed psychologist Carl Jung once said:

“In all chaos there is a cosmos, and in all disorder a secret order.”

It makes me think of connect-the-dots books I had as a kid; I loved how structured it was, and that if I just followed the steps I would eventually have an amazing result.

When you consider your goals, sometimes you can more or less see the dots connecting – there are just a few steps you need to take to get where you want to go, and even though they are not all connected yet, you can still what the bigger picture may look like:

On the other hand, sometimes at the very beginning you have absolutely no freaking clue what the bigger picture is going to be…but the dots are all there, waiting to be connected:

The quote that started this post has been in my office for my college students to see for years; it has followed me from job to job as a potential source of comfort for the young people I support that don’t know where their paths will take them.

I say, do the best you can to connect your dots, but rest assured, they will connect to your next step in one way or another. You will get somewhere. Might it look like you imagined when you get there? Perhaps not. But there you will be, ready to start connecting new dots, and so on. I tell them, if I do nothing else but teach you the process of how to connect your dots, past, present, and future, then I have done my job.

It’s good advice that I should remind myself of every now and then. I’ll do my best to plan, make the best choices I can, position myself for what I want next…but a random dot stuck in the mix may very well lead me somewhere entirely new. And once I get there and take a look back, it will become crystal clear how I got there.

And now, as always, I leave you with a thought experiment to ponder:

What are the dots that have gotten you to where you are right now, and what might the dots be getting you to where you want to go next?

I sat there, waiting somewhat anxiously. I had called the meeting to let my boss’s boss know that I was leaving my position for a new role at a different institution. I had been rehearsing what to say just to make sure I came off as confident and competent. There was a lot I admired about him and I wanted to make sure I left on a positive note.

I explained that I was interested in transitioning from career advising to academic advising, and that I had been wanting to work at a larger, more diverse institution. He quickly agreed it would be a good fit for me and offered his congratulations. As soon as I was starting to relax, he asked a simple, yet deceivingly thought provoking question:

“Then what?”

I replied with something along the lines of that I imagine being an academic advisor for a while, and that at some point I’d like to become an assistant director of some kind, and then a director of an academic or career advising office. “Great!” he replied. To which he then said:

“Then what?”

After a moment of quiet pondering, he jumped back in and explained something I still think about every now and then. I was in my mid-20s at the time; he explained that I would be in the workforce for at least 40 more years, if not longer. He said, “There’s no reason you can’t do what I do someday, or even go higher than that. You could be president of a university if you want to”.

Now, I was pretty sure at the time – and I still feel just as sure – that being a university president is not something I want. But unlike before, I know adhere to the notion of “never say never”. Right then my thought process changed pretty dramatically; I should at the very least be open to any possibility and not be afraid to picture myself in a variety of roles.

I think on some level that simple question is one of the reasons I thought more critically about my next steps a couple of years ago and transitioned out of advising into a new type of student support center. I think it’s one of the reasons I took the leap to start this blog. I also think it is one of the reasons I currently do not want to earn a PhD anytime soon – and that is not because of my young daughters at home like a few folks have assumed, but rather because I thought critically about it am just not sure I ever want one.

And that’s ok. It’s good to think about what you want next – or don’t want next – and to not just go through the motions and pursue the things that you think you are supposed to do.

So there you have it. A simple blog post devoted to a simple question, which just so happens to be today’s thought experiment:

Then what?

There I was, teetering on the edge of a dark staircase, adrenaline pumping. I knew if I made any sudden moves I risked falling down the crooked steps. I began mentally chanting, “Breathe deep. Stand your ground. Don’t panic.”

If you are imagining me doing something incredibly heroic, you would be right. Was I fighting a terrifying monster like some kind of superhero you ask?

Why, yes. Yes I was.

You see, I was helping my friend Sam get a bat out of his kitchen. And let me tell you, it. was. intense.

Ok…so it was not exactly like fighting a demogorgon, but it felt like it at the time!

You may be wondering what does any of this have to do with effectively setting, achieving, and failing at your goals? The answer is: visualizing obstacles in order to plan how you will respond to them is essential.

*Quick side note: Dad, I’m sorry I didn’t listen better in high school soccer when you told me to visualize running down the field on a breakaway before every game – think of how many more goals I’d have under my name!

Ok, back to the story. To prepare for the obstacle ahead, my friend and I prepared as much as we could for the inevitable battle. We both did our independent research to determine the best course of action, and after putting our heads together, we felt pretty confident about our plan.

Sam read that a bat will use it sonar to determine which direction to fly. A good way to encourage one out if a room is to block off anywhere you do not want to go. For example, if a blanket is hanging over the entrance to the basement staircase, the bat will assume it is a wall and go a different direction.

Hence why I was standing carefully at the top of the stairs, holding up a large blanket in front of me. As Sam was gently nudging the bat with a broom to encourage it to latch on to the bristles (another tactic we discovered in our research) I realized that there is a chance this animal is going to come flying at me, hit my blanket, and cause me to scream and jump.

Of all the possible bad outcomes, the best bad outcome one was that if I panic, the bat might get into the basement, making it really difficult to get it out. The worst bad outcome was that I might fly down the stairs with it.

That’s when the mental chanting began. I actually started to visualize the bat hitting my blanket. The thud it would make, the fact that it might hit on the other side. I decided if that happens I will stand firm and not panic.

Rehearsing it in my head turned out to be a very good idea.

Keep in mind that because I was holding up the blanket, I could not actually see what was going on. I could only hear. And this is what I heard next:

Sam: “Come on little guy…just grab on…you got it…there you go…oh S#*&!!!”

*flapping wings*

*thud*

*crash*

Silence.

I started to peek out when I saw it, hanging just over my head in the corner of the door frame. Thanks to my rehearsal, I remained calm, regrouped with Sam on our next steps, and held the blanket up even higher.

The next few minutes were not our most graceful, but we did manage to get the bat safely out of the house and into the backyard. After all the nervous laughter that comes after an adrenaline pumping experience, I realized how helpful it was to visualize possible outcomes. I wondered, what else could I apply this technique to?

Rest assured, this is not some hippy-dippy stuff; it’s a proven technique that has been used for hundreds of years, particularly by athletes. And it makes perfect sense. We all know the things that will typically trip us up when it comes to our goals: failing to save enough money, snacking on something bad for us, not making time for ourselves, the list goes on and on.

Wouldn’t it be better to anticipate those obstacles and make a plan for how you will respond? For example, if you have a food craving, perhaps you come up with a mantra you will repeat to yourself to gain control. Or if you are struggling with the idea of heading out the door to go for a run, try visualizing yourself on the run, and what it will look and feel like when you are done.

Give it a try! And as always, use these thought experiments to help you along the way:

What obstacles might come up for you? Picture them, including how you will respond in detail.

I promised honest updates on my Year of Liz goals, so here we are!

But first, a quick word of caution before you proceed: this post is a bit long because I wanted to fit in updates for all three goals. If you are not interested in all three, skip to the one you want! 

As I mentioned in a previous post about creating the perfect goal in 5 steps, step #4 is to write it down. That means not only writing down the goal itself, which I did in my non-journal, but checking in on the goal and writing down your progress.

With that in mind, the way I am going to approach this update is to ask myself four questions for each of my goals:

1. What are the steps you have taken so far (whether they have worked or not) toward achieving your goal? What is working? What needs to be changed?
2. What does your current progress look like? Are you where you expected to be?
3. What have you learned along the way? Provide some words of wisdom to yourself, remember your original motivations, and see if it is time for a reward of some kind.  
4. What is/are the step(s) you are going to take moving forward, no matter how big or small? What might you be able to do today?

So without further ado, here goes nothing:

Goal #1: Purge my crap.

Steps I have taken so far:

With this goal, I started by doing some research. I found blogs about living a minimalist life and read the popular book, The Joy of Less. I also learned in conversation that my coworker was awesome at this, so I asked her if she would be willing to check in and see how I was doing every now and then. I figured why not go to the experts, since this is something I clearly have not been naturally motivated to do in the past?

Nick and I also bought a house last month, which is by far the most adult thing we have ever done (yes, I realize we are parents, but still). So as a result, this goal was forced to make tremendous progress! Before we started packing, we went through every room in the house and ended up bringing about 2-3 cars full worth of items to Goodwill. It. felt. awesome.

I also kept a habit tracker for this goal. To be honest, I only updated it twice, but having a visual has been incredibly rewarding. Here is an updated photo from my non-journal of what I am referring to:

While reflecting on what has worked and what hasn’t, I realized that in this case, all the steps I took worked really well overall. I broke things down into smaller chunks (i.e. one room, or even one corner, at a time), forced myself to take a couple of days off to dedicate to this project while the girls could still be at daycare, and once I got going, the momentum was fairly easy to keep up because I saw instant results.

If I could change anything, I wish I realized sooner that I needed to take some time off work to purge. In the beginning I tried to work on this after the girls went to bed, but the reality is I never chose to use what little energy I had left at the end of the day for this goal.

Current progress:

I am just slightly behind where I expected to be at this point, and overall and am really proud of the progress we made. Sure, buying a house made this goal a top priority, and maybe even a necessity, but I’ll take it!

Words of wisdom to myself:

DO THIS EVERY YEAR! The girls’ birthday fall 6 months after Christmas, so perhaps before each of those two holidays we do a small-scale purge. Nick and I don’t tend to buy a lot for them, but our family and friends do (which we appreciate – no complaining here!), so it would be a great excuse to do walkthrough of the house, donate things none of us use regularly, and make way for some new things to come in.

Also, please think really critically before buying anything new. It took a lot of work to get to this point, so just make sure it is something you really want.

Lastly, of all the motivations you wrote down, the one that will probably influence you the most is to have the ability to not have to clean very much before people come over (i.e. you get to be lazier). Remember that.

Step(s) moving forward:

This has given me some renewed energy and focus, so this weekend I plan on finishing the purge once and for all. That means that I need to do a walk through of our bedroom, kitchen, the girls’ room, and our cars, and I will be done. Then, maybe I will have earned one of the rewards I originally wrote, if they are still things I want.

Goal #2: Get Involved In My Local Government.

Reflection on steps I have taken so far:

To be honest, this goal stresses me out. It is not in my nature to be outspoken (although I do realize the irony of writing that statement on my very public blog). I really don’t even want to write about this. I value conflict when it serves a purpose to improve something in my life or someone else’s, but often with arguments about politics that does not seem to occur…ever. 

Alright, I’ll step off my soapbox now and get to the point.

Similar to purging my crap, this is something that I don’t feel particularly knowledgeable about, so I decided to find an expert. A good friend of mine knows more than anyone else I know about our local government and ways to get involved. I invited her over to share some wisdom with me, and to my delight she was PUMPED to do so. It was a refreshing reminder that people enjoy sharing the things they are passionate about, so I should never be hesitant to ask for help.

She provided me with some websites to follow, helped me think more critically about which issues I care most about, and most importantly, she got me excited for the first time about an area that I just never cared for.

Current progress:

Alright, so this goal started really strong, but since that initial meeting a few months ago, it has quite honestly fallen to the wayside. For about a month or so I called my elected officials in Indianapolis and D.C. to tell them my thoughts and I felt really good. Unfortunately, the more I dove into certain issues, the more it stressed me out. It became painfully obvious once again that this is something that I intellectually think is important, but in my gut it causes me discomfort.

Long story short, I think I need to do some soul searching and reevaluate if this goal is something that is still important to me. 

Words of wisdom to myself:

Liz, if you decide to pause or stop this goal altogether, it doesn’t mean you failed at it. You have given it an honest effort. But before you decide to pull the plug, do some digging and coach yourself. Find out what is at the root of this issue for you, because you were really motivated about it in the beginning. Surely that means it is important to you on some level, but what is it exactly that you hope to achieve?

Step(s) moving forward:

Set up a time to be coached by a colleague (I have a few friends who are earning professional coaching certificates right now and who need people to practice on). Get to the bottom of what it important about this goal so that you can decide whether you want to keep at it, or re-frame it in some way.

Goal #3: Lose the Weight.

Reflection on steps I have taken so far:

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh. I LOVE/HATE THIS GOAL SO MUCHHHHHHHHHHH.

This is the big one. The one I know for a fact is important to me, the one that I don’t think I’ll ever totally let go of. And yet, I work so little at it :).

Now, it hasn’t been all bad. I have lost about 6 pounds, and even with fluctuating since then, on average I have managed to keep that weight off. Mostly this is a result of being more strict with portion control at dinner time (i.e. not eating everything my daughters don’t finish), skipping alcohol almost altogether for several weeks, and eating fewer carbs (lots of meat and cheese? Yes please.).

I also met with a nutritionist for free through work and I was really optimistic about that. Unfortunately, all of his ideas for healthy meals were not very toddler-friendly, so I did not put them into practice. Perhaps in time the girls will eat beef and broccoli stir fry, but for now that’s just not the case, and I am not willing to make a separate meal for myself each night.

Lastly, I started going to physical therapy to work on my diastasis recti, a fairly common abdominal muscle issue as a result of carrying multiples. Not only was I able to strengthen my core again – no, we are not talking 6-pack abs here – but I learned new exercises to strengthen me so that I’m not constantly in pain from bending down and picking things (and small people) up. Some of the exercises I was given were similar to yoga, which is something I have tried in the past but hasn’t stuck.  

Current progress:

It started strong, but I think have plateaued to some degree; I have gone as far as I can without external help. That being said, I have been proud of myself for getting back on the horse when I have fallen off over the weeks. This goal has certainly had its ups and downs (i.e. the obscene amount of beer and snacks I consumed over the course of 9 days at my in-laws’ cottage in Michigan was, let’s just say, slightly off the wagon).  

Words of wisdom to myself:

A lower number on the scale would be great, but maybe you need to reframe how you think about this goal. Instead consider how strong you want to be for your daughters. Not just mentally and emotionally strong – that in itself is a workout you conquer (almost) every day. But it’s time to be physically strong for them, too.

Step(s) moving forward:

It might be time to dedicate money to a personal trainer. With the start of the academic year just around the corner, I don’t think this is likely to happen in the immediate future, but perhaps sometime after fall break. I need to determine how much it will cost, talk to Nick about it, and go from there.

I also should consider trying yoga again. After all, how many exercises are there to do in the comfort of your living room?

Final Thoughts:

Writing this post was so helpful because it required me to look back at my non-journal and see what my original deadlines were, what my motivations were, and how I was going to reward myself. But, I realize some of you may be thinking – who has time to write down this kind of detailed update for each of my goals??? – to which I would answer with this thought experiment:

How might formally checking in on your goal progress energize you to keep moving forward? What might you need to be reminded of? How might taking some time now help save you time in the long run?

Let’s start today’s post with a thought experiment:

What life lessons have you learned from your grandparents?

I chose that question because Sally Freedman, my grandmother, passed away a few weeks ago at the ripe old age of 91. She was my last living grandparent. I take solace in the fact that it was peaceful, and that she was surrounded by her family. Her services this past weekend were the perfect mixture of sadness and celebration. I think we all got the closure we needed, but even so, I am only just beginning to reflect on the impact she had on me.

Sally was a teacher. She taught elementary school and was a learning disabilities specialist; her masters degree is in Reading Disabilities. So as an educator, it makes perfect sense that she taught me lessons about love, parenting, and life in general. At age 30, as I think about my own future and what the next 61 years may look like, it only seems fitting to reflect on some of these lessons.

So here are a few stories about Sally Freedman, and the three most significant lessons she taught me:

Lesson #1: There’s no challenge you cannot overcome.

Sally was a young girl growing up during the depression. We often heard stories – particularly if we did not eat everything on our plate – of what life was like then. She grew up in Aberdeen, South Dakota, where food was scarce, life was stressful, and for nearly a decade, there was no end in sight.

This experience clearly affected her for the rest of her life. She was excellent at saving and reusing just about anything. We would tease her about washing used plastic silverware to save for a future meal, but when I stop to think about where that habit came from, I instantly feel put back in my place (and rightfully so). We take a lot for granted, but she certainly never did.

She later moved to Chicago, where she met the first love of her life, Jack Doyle, and had three daughters. Tragically, while her children were still very young, Jack succumbed to illness and passed away after roughly three years of treatment. It was probably the biggest challenge she ever faced in her life, and just the sheer thought of it is one of my personal nightmares.

I asked her once how she managed to get through that time, and her response was just as pragmatic as she was. Her answer was simple; she had three girls to raise. Period. She accepted help along the way, largely from her community at her Unitarian Church, although I find it hard to believe that she asked for it. Thankfully though, they surrounded her with support, and she was able to make it through.

One of the friends that supported her in her time of need was Arthur Freedman, or as I like to call him, Grandpa Art. Sally and Art were married shortly thereafter; Art had two sons from his previous marriage to my Grandma Virginia (one of them named Peter – yay dad!) and they had one more son together. Pretty soon, they were quite the modern family, and I would be lucky enough to have five grandparents instead of four.

I am confident that when she first moved to Chicago she never imagined her life would end up looking like it did, but I am equally confident that she is grateful that it did. No matter what seemingly insurmountable challenge lied ahead of her, she faced it with unwavering pragmatism and hopeful optimism; a lesson we can all learn from.

Lesson #2: Know your story.

In addition to being an educator, Grandma Sally was a storyteller. She was an author – my personal favorite is a children’s book she wrote called Devin’s New Bed. Devin is my cousin, and my sister Katie and cousin Anthony are two of the main characters. Devin has to transition from his crib to a big boy bed and he doesn’t like it…they all jump on it and chaos ensues…etc. That’s all fine, but the BEST part of the book is an adorable little (unnamed), baby girl at the very end who will inherit Devin’s crib. She really steals the show :).

Ok, so my mom was still pregnant when Sally wrote it, but despite the fact that I don’t have a name in the book I consider myself to be a pivotal character nonetheless.

Anyhoo, in addition to her professional writing, Sally was also our family’s personal record keeper. She would write annual newsletters to her six children and many grandchildren explaining the momentous – and oftentimes mundane – events that happened in all of our lives that year. This was essential because my family is spread out all over; we are in Maine, Massachusetts, Oregon, California, Illinois, Indiana, and even Australia. Depending on the year, many of us have lived in countless other states and countries as well. She knew that no matter where life was taking us individually, it was important to be connected to each other.

Lesson #3: Find joy in the small things.

Grandma Sally had her fair share of adventures. She road tripped throughout the country more times than any of us could count, she travelled the world with my Grandpa Art, and she reinvented her career more than once. But despite all of this, I believe if I could ask her now, she would say the things that gave her the most joy in life would be the little things. From my perspective, she was excellent at living in the present.

My cousin Caitlin told me about a time when Grandpa Art brought her home some chocolates unexpectedly; her face lit up and she exclaimed, “You DO love me!!!”. I wasn’t there, but I can picture her saying that so vividly. The things that excited her the most were things like getting a new picture of one of her great grandchildren to hang on her wall or just hearing about what was going on in our lives. My favorite expression of hers was, “What fun!”, which she said to just about anything.

If you read this blog you probably can tell that I tend to think about the future a lot. Sometimes, perhaps a bit too much. So I will do my best to think about the here and now. The small things.

To close, although this experience has been bittersweet, I have managed to find joy in it, just as Sally would want. I wish it were under different circumstances, but I am thankful to have had this time to consider all she taught me, as well as lessons from my other four grandparents. They all showed different ways of living and enjoying life, and I have gained something from each of them.

I hope I never forget the small details about her; her gold french horn necklace, the sound of her voice singing “There’s a hole in the bucket, dear Liza” around a campfire, the colorful rings she wore on each hand. But most importantly, I hope I never forget the lessons.