The Art and Science of: The Non-Goal

If you have read some previous posts in this blog, you know that a personal goal of mine is to lose weight. Cliché, I know.

My most recent attempt at this goal was actually the most successful I have ever been with it; for over three weeks I was so disciplined with my diet I not only lost weight, but I did so without it feeling like complete mental and physical torture. In other words, I didn’t mind saying no to pasta, dessert, alcohol, or anything else delicious.  

It felt like the start of a marathon that I was totally prepared for, and I was cruising away from the starting line at a comfortable pace. I could easily visualize the finish line and me triumphantly crossing it.

But then week 4 came, and I cheated a little here, and then a little there, and then before I knew it, I was pretty much behaving the same way as I had before beginning the goal. I am sure many of you out there have been in a place before where the voice in your head sounds something like this:

I have been so good lately that I deserve a little treat. Hell, if I eat these Oreos I’ll probably be helping myself because it’s just not realistic to go cold turkey. Yeah, it will be more sustainable if I allow some Oreos every now and then.

That’s a risky little game, isn’t it? But one we are all too familiar with playing.

One day in week 4 I was feeling particularly exhausted and my willpower was pretty low when it came to making healthy choices. I thought to myself, “Even if I lose the weight, I’ll need to work on keeping it off. What if I lose it, and then gain it all back? Will it have been worth it?”

The truth is, the research on this is pretty discouraging: by some estimates, 80% of people who lose a significant amount of weight gain most or all of it back. And new research is showing that it is biological and physiological, not just mental reasons why this happens, making it truly an uphill battle.

Since I could feel myself slipping, I decided to analyze the goal I had set. And true to fashion, it had all the markings of an excellent goal:

• The deadline was Labor Day weekend (giving me several months)
• There were mini deadlines (i.e. 1 pound per week)
• I had full support from the people that could help me the most
• I knew why I was doing this and created visual reminders
• I anticipated obstacles and made plans to overcome them

Beautiful, isn’t it?

But…

…why didn’t it work?

After reflecting on it for a while I realized that’s it pretty simple:

This goal…is not actually a goal.

I had been going about it all wrong, because weight loss isn’t a goal anyone should set.

Let me repeat that.

Weight loss should not be a goal you set for yourself.

Now before you get too excited, what I mean by that is losing a significant amount of weight requires making a permanent change. It’s a wealth of habits that need to be broken, and a whole new set of ones that need to be created.

Forever.

There is no deadline.

This goal isn’t a goal at all. So, now I’m calling a “non-goal”.

If we change our perspective in this way, it’s no wonder that losing weight can be so challenging. It’s daunting. But the good news is, even though it is incredibly difficult, there are several ways to overcome.

According to an article from Psychology Today, there are 8 reasons why it’s so hard to change behavior, including things like:

• We are motivated by negative emotions
• We try to change too much
• We forget that failure is a given
• We don’t make a commitment

Sound familiar to you? It sure does to me.

Suddenly I can see the errors with my weight loss goal crystal clear. The system I created was a great one for a one-time event, but not for a systematic change in my life. A new system will need to be created.

So now it’s time for me to start over with a completely new mindset, and a new plan.

And this time when I leave the starting line, I’ll know there is no finish line to reach.

And as always, I leave you with a thought experiment to ponder:

How many of your goals should actually be non-goals?